I gave you your best chance
by Teagan Phenyx
Summary: What will happen when the past comes knocking on Amelia Shepherd's door? She was still learning to stand on her own two feet in the world, and then her world became even bigger. How will it affect her, her relationship with Derek and future relationship with Owen? Story doesn't strictly follow the events in the show, but lets say it starts in the beginning of season 11.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

 **A/N: Introduction in my story; all Grey's anatomy characters will be eventually included, this is just the beginning. Rights to Grey's anatomy characters go to Shondaland, I only take the credit for Alison,her family and new interns!**

Today was the day.  
Every single person in the hospital knew about it. Some of them were dreading it, but some of them were actually truly excited about the up-coming income of 'fresh blood'. Yeah, THE DAY was today. New interns were buzzing everywhere around the hospital. It was their first day of being doctors. Confused, afraid, but still trying to give the impression of confidence.  
Residents were already prepared to start giving orders and spilling the rules. You could see on their faces that they liked the sense of power they've just gotten.

Attendings just laughed and in most cases made fun of 'fresh blood'. Shepherd sibilings played the game called 'Who's going down first?'.  
 _  
''My bet is on that small pale guy. He looks like he's going to puke. Already!_ ''- Amelia Shepherd told to her older brother. Derek was still looking through the crowd and then he spotted him.  
 _  
''Oou come on, Amy. I can see more then three of them that look even worst._ ''- he paused for a few seconds spotting one girl who just got inside the OR, and he continued – '' _...look at her, she seems like a child._ ''- he stopped again and looked at her better – _''She reminds me of you actually...when you were younger. It's her first day and she's already late. They're going to eat her alive.''_ \- he winked at his sister.

She didn't even bother to comment on his provocation. She gave him her best eye-rolling look and moved her attention back to that girl he told her about. Of course Amelia would never recognize it, but Derek was right. That girl looked waaay younger than the rest of the interns and from the OR gallery she kind of reminded her of herself. She felt strange while looking at this girl for some reason, but Derek's comment made her cheer for that little one down there. So Amelia decided that that's why she felt strange. She rarely liked new interns and she doubted she would even like that one, but only time would tell.

In the next few minutes more people joined that 'terrible, terrible game' (as April Kepner described it), and the bets were on.  
Karev made a comment that they all look so dumb. He was so uninterested that he just left and didn't even stay to hear The Speech Dr. Webber was just about to give to the interns. Torres was grumpy every year when new interns woud come. She just hated how counfused they were. But she loved Dr. Webber's speech. Bailey and she remembered hearing that same speech years ago and they still loved it. There was just something about it... But then, she stopped listening.  
 _  
''Hey Bailey, what is a child doing in the OR? What? We couldn't find anyone competent and old enough so we just brought in a child?''_ – Torres was irritated even more now, so she just left the gallery too.

At first Bailey didn't know what the hell was Callie talking about, what child?! But then she saw the younger girl in the crowd and she remembered hearing Richard saying something about this extraordinary intelligent eighteen-year-old girl who will be coming in Grey Sloan Memorial to do her internship there. She rememberd him being excited and confused at the same time, too. He didn't understand why would she pick Seattle when she could go anywhere she wanted. After all, she was still a teenager with a medical degree, a wonder kid.  
Well, Bailey really didn't care about this girl's IQ or age. All she cared about is if she was doing her job. Right there, she decided that she wouldn't go easy on her just because she was younger. Miranda Bailey doesn't tolerate being late to anyone!

 **A/N: Thank you for reading. I hope you like it and please review. It would mean a lot.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **A/N: This chapter is written in Alison's POV (new young intern). Enjoy meeting the new character. I hope you like her like I do.**

It's my first day, and I'm going to be late. Damn!  
I just cannot believe this terrible weather. The plane couldn't land, so we were just flying in circles for about an hour. I was already so nervous and then this delay happened. When we landed I already knew I was going to be late. On my first day as an intern.  
Repeating. ON. MY. FIRST. DAY.

I hurried, but there was so much to do and so little time. Since I was moving from New York City I had a lot of luggage. It was tough carrying it all by myself and catching a cab to take me to hotel I would be staying at. I was constantly glancing at my watch and begging the cab driver to hurry as much as he could. When I finally got to my hotel room I grabbed the first thing I found to wear. At that point it was ninja Alison in action.

I called my foster parent (read guardian) David just to check in. I promised to call back later, so that I can talk with everyone in the family.  
My foster family is really great. There is five of us children: Ashley and Nathan are twins and they're 20, studyng at Colombia University; I, Alison, am in the middle and I'm 18 (people say I'm kind of a genious, I finished high school when I was 12 and I just got my medical degree); Lucas is 17, he's a senior in high school; and the youngest is Isabella, she's 15. David si our guardian and a pretty succesful bussinesman. We had a deal with him. As long as we're doing good at school we can ask for everything we want. Since he has always had to work a lot, we had a nanny. Nana takes care of us. She is the order and the law in the house, but we all love her to bits. All five of us were adopted so Nana was always the closest thing to a mother or a grandmother to us, and David a father.

Lucas and I struggle the most with our family situation, because we found out who our biological parents are when we were pretty young. I was just 12 at the time. Whole my life I wanted to know, but when I found out the truth I wished I could just forget about it. It was easier to imagine them like they were some kind of superheroes, and to just miss them...

I found out that my father died even before I was born. He overdosed with my mother, but she was saved by her older brother. She was only 16 and she was dead for three minutes. At the time she was pregnant and she didn't even know it. So, we both could have died. But we didn't. After that she found out she was pregnant. She could've aborted me. Instead, she got clean and gave birth to a healthy little girl. She named me Alison, and gave me the right to her last name. And then..., she gave me away and continued with her life.

David took me in when I was 6. He saw something in me, and we just clicked. He gave me everything he could: education, stability and a feeling of belonging somewhere. He gave me his last name too, so the name I have been using since then is **: Alison S. Jean**.

The hotel I was staying in was just a block away from the hospital, so I decided to run as fast as I could. I was about 15 minutes late and I was reaaaally hoping that noone will notice. Oh, how wrong I was. Hallways in this hospital were like a labyrinth. I was running and with every turn a felt like I was even more lost. At one corner I had to stop, breathless and so pissed at everything. I felt like I was already failing and ruining this whole thing for myself. All I ever wanted is for people to take me seriously. But I was way younger and I had to work extra hard for respect. And on top of all that I was late on my first day.

I was still trying to catch my breath when one nice doctor came to me and asked me what I was looking for. I told him that I was new here, an intern, starting today, and that I couldn't find the OR floor. He introduced himself as Dr. Owen Hunt and showed me the way.  
When I finally found the OR I was looking for so desperately I tried to get in as discretely as I possibly could. Dr. Webber, with whom I was in contact, has just started his speech. On the one hand his speech was very motivational, but on the other it was a little bit scary.

I was still catching my breath from running and trying to concentrate on what Dr. Webber was talking about, but something was distracting me. I felt so many eyes on myself and it was getting harder not to look up and meet all those eyes half way. Somehow I could feel them looking and talking about me. I was terrified.

I tried to take deep breaths and remind myself of all the reasons why I was here.

The most important one is...

I need to meet my mother!

 **A/N: Thank you for reading! Please review :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 **A/N: Thank you so much for reading, FAV/FOLLOWS! I'm really excited for what's coming next, and I hope you'll stick with me and all these characters on our journey. And sorry for making you wait, I wanted this chapter to be as best as it could be.**

After the speech, responsibility for new interns was given to the residents. It felt kind of strange for Stephanie to think that she will be giving orders to someone else and make them do all those boring things, like getting the labs, taking patients to their room and dealing with all their silly wishes. She felt proud of herself, so so proud... Just until she saw her group of interns. Five of them were walking towards her and she prayed to God that they pass her by and go to Jo. But it was very obvious that her wish won't come true. She didn't understand why she had to get the worst ones. One of them slipped while walking, the other one looked like he's going to throw up every second. One girl was so busy fixing her hair and coat that she almost fell when that other intern slipped in front of her. And those two in the back, a skinny pale guy and a girl who looked like she was 15, seemed like the rejected ones among the interns. She sighed and told them to hurry up already.

Five of them were almost running behind her trying to catch her pace when she suddenly hit the break and turned around to face them. She scanned every single one of them carefully and started talking _\- ''I'm Dr. Edwards and I want to make myself very clear. I'm in charge. Everything you do reflects on me. Good or bad. And I don't tolerate the bad part, so don't make mistakes! Study and practise in skills lab until I page you. Do not bother the attendings. I learn from them, you learn from me. That's how it goes. Your shift will be long so try not to kill anyone!''_ She spilled all that in one breath, so she had to stop herself for a second. When the oxygen came up to her brain again she continued _– ''Don't make the nurses angry. If you do, they'll make your life miserable. Listen to orders and don't try to be a smartass, I don't like smartasses! Did you understand?''_

Alison nodded along with the other four trying to look as serious and confident as possible. Right before Dr. Edwards could finish her little lecture their pagers started going off. It was a 911 page to the emergency room, all hands on deck were demanded. And just like that, in a matter of seconds everyone shifted into their fifth gear and started running to the ER.

When they got down to the ER they just stood there with their jaws dropped. It was chaotic. One could here screaming orders from everywhere. And five of them just stood there frozen. A terrible car accident happend on the overpass with 6 vehicles in it. Drunk teenager was speeding and he lost control over his car. He hit the vehicle in front and then it started. The horrible domino effect. They have never seen so many victims and so much blood. In that moment it finally hit them, they are all doctors now and it's on them to help those people, to help save their lives. They were all wrapped in their own thoughts when Edwards yelled at them to get their legs moving and hands doing something more useful than shaking. The first one to react on her order was the youngest one. Edwards didn't expect that, but she put her surprise aside and asked the girl _– '' Your name?''_. Alison was quick to answer – _''Dr. Alison Jean.''_

For the first time in her life she felt like this. She couldn't describe the feeling. But adrenaline hit her hard and she felt such a rush. She felt terrified and excited at the same time. And it felt great to say her name with a title 'doctor'. Then and there, in the middle of all that mess and chaos, she found her calm zone. In her eyes it seemed like everything around her slowed down and she felt like one little lost piece of her found its home. For a long time she was afraid that the only reason she had chosen to become a doctor, a surgeon actually, was her mother. From distance, via Internet, she watched her mother thrive in her field, so she decided to go in that direction as well. In a way that made her feel closer to her and she still wanted to make her proud, even though her mother left her and never looked back. But now, in this chaotic ER she knew she was in the right place in this world and she felt stronger than ever that it really was in her blood.

 _''Okay, Jean you're with me. The rest of you go and ask Dr. Kepner where she needs you most.''_ – Edwards said and the four of them rushed. Alison stayed standing right behind waiting for her to move.

Right then, new ambulance came in front of the ER. Edwards went to take over the patient and Alison followed. Dr. Hunt was already there, helping the paramedics to get the patient out. One of the paramedics was giving the needed information – _''Male. 17 years old. Open abdominal injury, comminuted femur fracture and very possibly a brain bleed. His pressure is dropping fast and he lost a lot of blood.''_

 _''Poor guy. He's lucky to be alive.''_ – Edwards commented.  
 _  
''He is lucky, but he got himself in this mess. He's the driver.''_ – paramedic said sadly with a sigh.

Dr. Hunt and Dr. Edwards just shared a look, and Alison felt sadness for the people he killed and hurt, for all those destroyed families. And all because one stupid teenager decided to drink and drive. Maybe he wasn't stupid or that bad. Maybe he was just misguided. All that didn't matter anymore. Lives were lost and he was barely breathing.

They were in the trauma room 2, Hunt was firing orders to everyone. Dr. Torres came in after she saw them pass by in the ER. The patient needed his femur to be stabilized as soon as possible.  
 _''Hunt, he's losing too much blood. We need to take him to the OR right now. We can coordinate. First you stop the abdominal bleeding and then I'll stabilize his femur.''_ – Torres said.

As Hunt opened his mouth to answer the patient stopped breathing.  
 _''He's coding. We're losing him. Edwards start compressions.''_ – Hunt ordered, while his both hands were inside the patients abdominal cavity, trying to slow down the bleeding.  
 _  
''Where's Shepherd, I paged him minutes ago?''_ – he asked, noone in particular and everyone at the same time.

Alison bit her tounge and flinched a little even at the mention of that last name. She wanted to help, but she was strictly ordered only to observe.  
 _''Derek's in the OR. He can't come.''_ – Torres answered before anyone got the chance to say anything.  
 _  
''Then find Amelia Shepherd, ASAP!''_ – Hunt almost yelled, struggling to keep pressure.

Edwards was still resuscitating the boy, so she turned to Alison – _'' Go! Fast! Find Amelia Shepherd!''_

Alison didn't need to be told twice. She ran out of the trauma room asking everyone that she bumped into if they saw Amelia Shepherd. And so many people saw her at different times in different places that she didn't know where to go first. Just when panic started to crawl under her skin she heard a voice behind her. The voice sounded unfamiliar, but still so familiar.  
 _  
''I'm here. Who needs me?''_ – Amelia Shepherd mouthed quickly.

Alison felt like the lightening stroke her. As she was turning around her heart was beating so fast that she could see her light blue scrubs moving up and down. To her it seemed like she was turning around in slow motion, but actually, only a second later she was standing face to face with Dr. Amelia Shepherd for the very first time. She felt the words stuck in her throat.  
Amelia recognized the young girl and remembered the strange feeling she felt when she watched her from the OR gallery earlier. She felt that again. Even more now when the girl was standing in front of her, looking at her with those strangely familiar blue eyes.

Alison finally said _– ''Trauma room 2. They need you ASAP. Possible brain bleed. The patient is coding.''_

Amelia nodded and rushed to the trauma room, leaving Alison standing there. She couldn't make herself move. Then she felt stinging in her eyes. Only one tear escaped her. She brushed it off of her cheek, composed herself a little and then made herself walk back to the trauma room.

 **A/N: Thank you for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

When Alison came back in the trauma room the boy was still coding and Edwards still doing compressions. Amelia was checking his pupils and his head injury. Torres tried to catch Hunt's look, while they were waiting for Amelia's diagnosis.  
 _  
''He's got a massive brain hemorrhage. Intracranial pressure must be through the roof. I need to open his skull to release the pressure right here, right now or he's going to die!''_ – Amelia said looking at Owen.

 _'' Ouu noo noo... You can't do that here! We need to take him to the OR.''_ – Torres strongly disapproved.  
 _  
'' There's no time. He won't make it to the OR.''_ \- Amelia told with a great conviction. Then she looked back at Owen _– ''Chief Hunt, do I have your permission to proceed?''_

Hunt didn't answer right away. One could see the inner fight that was going on only by looking at his eyes. He didn't know what was the right thing to do here. It was very dangerous to open a skull in non-steril environment. But it seemed like they didn't have any other choice. The boy was dying and he couldn't let him go, not on his watch. That boy is going to live and he's going to face everything he did! That was the moment he made the decision.  
 _  
''Go for it Shepherd!''_ – he said, while avoiding Callie's look.

Callie sighed heavily. She disagreed, but the chief made his decision and she couldn't do anything about it. He seemed to trust 'the other Shepherd' waaay more than she did.

Amelia nodded and quickly started preparing for the procedure. There was no time to lose! Only a minute later she was ready. And right before she wanted to ask for a scalpel she remembered that she needed one more set of very steady hands. She needed someone to suction the blood when she opens the dura, or it would burst everywhere. If they where in the OR it wouldn't be such a big problem, but in a non-steril trauma room it certainly would.  
 _  
'' Edwards, let the intern continue doing compressions I need your hands here.''_ – Amelia said in a hurry.  
 _  
''Dr. Shepherd, I'm sorry, but my hands are really tired and shaky. After all these compressions I don't think they will be steady enough.''_ – Edwards shyly admitted.

Then Amelia turned to Alison and said – _''Go and find me a resident, now! This boy doesn't have much time left.''_

Alison at first didn't notice that Amelia was talking to her. When she did, instead of rushing out to do what she was just told she answered – _'' Maybe I could do it!?''  
_  
Three attendings in the room looked at each other trying to process what she just said. And Edwards couldn't believe what came out of Alison's mouth. She was getting angry.  
 _''Go and do what you were told. Now's not the time to act like a smartass!''_ – Edwards yelled at her intern.  
Alison bit her lip thinking to herself – how could she be so stupid and say that?! She put her head down and finally moved to the door.

But Amelia said – _'' Hey, stop! We can't lose any more time.''_ – then she looked at the nurse and said _– ''Gown her!''_. She looked back at frozen Alison, who was being gowned, and mouthed _– '' You're doing this. Don't mess up!''_

Callie could not believe what she was witnessing _. '' Oh my God! You are seriously going to do it here with the intern?! It's her first day, Shepherd!''_

 _'' And this boy will die unless I do it, so I don't think I have any choice here! Don't I?''_ – Amelia answered irritated with Callie.

Hunt and Torres were pressing hard on this boy's open injuries and looking at each other not sure what was going to happen, when Amelia said loud and clear – _'' Scalpel!''  
_ Seconds later she asked for the drill and started opening the skull. She removed a part of the bone, asked for a scalpel again, then she looked at a, little bit terrified, Alison and said _– ''Okay, I'm going to cut the dura now. Be ready and fast! Follow my hand as I cut and suction.''  
_ Alison swallowed hard and nodded.

At first when Amelia started cutting there wasn't that much blood to suction, but in one moment it started almost bursting out. Alison was fast, but the blood was faster. Amelia figured it would be a lot of blood, but not that much. She grabbed as much gauze as she could and started packing the wound, preparing it for the surgery when they get to an OR.  
Amelia and Alison were like in a bubble, concentrated only on the bleeding, not paying attention on what was going on around them. As they were finishing packing the wound, they saw that Edwards stopped with the compressions on the boy's heart.  
The look of relief showed on every face in that trauma room.  
 _'' We have a rythm back. His heart is strong and steady. Good job Shepherd! Aaaand...what was your name?''_ – Hunt first looked at Amelia then turned to Alison.

 _''Jean, sir.''_ – she answered.

 _''Good job, Jean.''_ – Hunt nodded approvingly and continued – _''Lets go. We need to get him to the OR. ''_ Alison smiled contently and moved away from the patient.

Torres and Hunt went with the patient straight to the OR. Amelia and Alison were taking their gowns off when Edwards said _– ''Jean, rush the labs and order 4 doses of 0 neg. After that you can help with the sutures here in the ER.''_

 _''But Dr. Edwards, I thought I could observe the surgery.''_ – Alison answered unhappy.

 _''You're needed here, so do your job. No discussion, Jean.''_ – Edwards cut her off and went to the OR.

Amelia just listened. She didn't want to interfere, but she thought the intern deserved to observe the surgery. Well it wasn't her call after all. She felt Alison's eyes on her, so she looked up, slightly smiled and said _– ''For an intern on your first day, you did great.''_ – she stopped for a second, then continued – _''How old are you...Jean? Right?''_

Alison couldn't even start processing what happend few minutes before and what was going on in that second. Her hands started shaking. This was huge for her. She was here talking to her... then Amelia interrupted her thoughts – _''Are you okay?''_

 _'' Yeah, sorry... I just...Never mind...I'm Alison Jean. I'm 18.''_ – she said feeling her chest becoming heavier and heavier.

 _''Just 18, ha...and nice name.''_ – Amelia looked away – _'' I have to go.''_

Amelia was almost running. She didn't now why, she wasn't in a hurry. But she felt something squeezing her throat and her heart so tight, making her legs move faster. That particular name. That particular age. Combined with those blue eyes. She couldn't help herself not to think about a life she left behind so long ago. Tears started burning her cheeks.

 **A/N: Thank you so much for reading. If you have time please review. I would really appreciate it. There's a long road ahead of Amelia and Alison. I hope you join the ride. ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 **A/N: This chapter is a little look in the past. I hope it will help you understand why Amelia did what she did. Life is never black or white. Thank you for reading!**

Only her mom and Addison knew about what happened with Amelia 18 years ago after she overdosed and crashed Derek's car. They were the ones who helped her through it.  
Her sisters came to the hospital after the car crash, but when they saw that she would be fine they all headed back to their lives, not wanting to worry anymore about their screw-up-little-sister.

Not even Derek stayed. He never came to visit, at least when she was awake. She knew she had messed up pretty bad. She crashed his car, after all, but she needed her big brother so much and he was nowhere to be found. Derek was so, so mad at Amelia. At that time he was so blind-sided by anger that he coudn't even look at her. His little sister was dead in his arms for almost three minutes. For years he couldn't get over that.  
Amelia's mom was very angry too, but she found in her heart to forgive her teenage daughter for all the mess she had caused. Her little girl was struggling and she just couldn't leave her.

After Amelia had spent few days at the hospital she didn't feel better at all. Drugs were wearing off and she was yearning for them. She cried and felt sick. But doctors found that that wasn't the only reason she felt so sick. Amelia was pregnant.  
She couldn't believe in what she got herself into, but she decided that there was no getting out of that mess. She knew that she had hurt so many people with her actions and that she would not be able to live with herself if she killed or destroyed a life of an innocent little human that was growing inside her.

When her mother found out, Addison was the only one she could think of calling. Of course, Addison came right away. She loved Amelia and she would do anything for her 'little sister'.

 _''I'm so scared Addie. I don't think that I can do this. What if I do something that messes my baby up? What if I hurt the baby just like I have been hurting everybody else? Please help me.''_ – Amelia was sobbing on Addison's shoulder.

Addison tried to calm her down – _''Shhh shhh... Everything's going to be okay. We're going to figure this out together.''_

 _''But how? What am I going to do? I'm a mess Addie. I'm already destroying my baby's life and it's not ever born yet.'' –_ Amelia poured her soul _– ''I'm 16. A drug addict and an alcoholic. What good could ever come from me? This baby didn't do anything to deserve to have me for a mother.''_

 _''First you're going to the rehab center. You're going to get clean, so that your baby can grow and be healthy. It's going to be very hard Amy, I'm not going to lie, but your mom and I will be by your side. We should call Derek and tell him everything. He can help, you know he can''_ \- Addison said, but when she mentioned Derek Amelia cut her off immediately.

 _''Noo, please don't call Derek. Noone else can know about this. I'll get clean. For the baby. I promise. But please don't say anything to Derek.''_ \- Amelia begged.

Normally, Addison would've never agreed, but only that time she bent and said – _''Fine!''_

Months have passed. Every single day was a struggle and a huge fight for Amelia to stay away from drugs. Being extremely hormonal didn't help her either. She wanted to escape from her own skin. But in face of everything, she pushed through.

As her baby grew bigger and healthier, she felt stronger. She was determined not to screw up this time. Feeling of happiness washed over her when Addison told her that she was carrying a little girl. She already loved her baby girl with all her heart.  
And out of pure love and selflessness she made the hardest decision that she would ever have to make in her life. Amelia decided to put her baby girl for adoption.

She cried for days, but she knew deep down that she made the right choice for her baby. She wanted her to have everything this world could give and she knew that she couldn't give her all she deserves.

On May 15th at 4:50am, Amelia gave birth to a beautiful healthy little girl. She was so relieved that her baby was fine and that she didn't screw her up somehow. Tears of joy were pouring down from her deep blue eyes. The same blue eyes her little girl stole from her that day. And even tough Addison and the social worker said it would be harder to give her away if she named her, Amelia decided to name her Alison.

It was so hard to let go of this little copy of hers. Alison resembled her so much. Big blue eyes, dark hair, sweet fat cheeks and freckles... The universe had a cruel sense of humor.  
For a minute there she wanted to change her mind and keep her. In a way Alison saved her life. She was her reason to fight and to be stronger. But, she knew that those reasons weren't good enough. They were too selfish.  
Altough Amelia's heart broke into millions of pieces that day, she gave her baby girl away.

 _''I hope this world will never let you down. Be better than I could ever be._ _I want you to have your best chance, baby girl, so I'm giving you one. I love you...''_

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

All those memories came back in an instant. They came rushing back to collect an 18-year-old debt and to take one more piece of her still broken heart. Amelia didn't know what triggered all those blasts from the past, but there was something about that new intern. It wasn't just about her name or her age...It was something in her eyes that looked so familiar.

After running through the hallways and her emotional roller-coaster ride, Amelia felt drained when she got to the OR. But the patient's life was more important than her feelings. While scrubing in she composed herself as best as she could and went into that OR with only brain bleeds, that had to be repaired, in her mind.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 **A/N: Sorry for the wait everyone, school was keeping me very busy these days But here it is. This chapter is a little lighter. It's kind of a preparation for the next one, which is going to be very hard and heartbreaking. And for all those who were asking about Meredith, don't worry, she is here, just not in the main focus right now. I would very much appreciate the reviews. Anyway, thank you for reading.**

Hours later, after a tiring fight with brain bleeds, Amelia was finally scrubing out pretty satisfied with herself. She knew she was skilled, but she had some trouble focusing in the beginning. So this little victory over herself was much bigger in her mind than it seemed. As she was getting out of the scrubing area she saw Derek walking towards her.

 _''Is the surgery over?''_ – Derek said without any particular expression on his face.

 _''My part of it, yeah. But Hunt and Torres are still in there. I think they're finishing up, too. They'll be out soon. Why? You need the OR?_ – Amelia answered sounding really exhausted.

 _''No.''_ – Derek said roughly _– ''And I heard what happened in the ER earlier.''  
_  
 _''I see...So...You heard that I basically saved that boy's life.''_ – Amelia grinned at him.

 _''Amy, you were lucky! How could you do something so reckless? What were you thinking?''_ – he stared at her angrily.

 _''I was thinking about saving the patient's life. And..that's not luck, Derek. That's called being a good doctor and a very skilled surgeon.''_ – she was starting to get irritated.

 _''You never think things through, don't you?''  
_  
 _''Do not even start with that big brother crap and lectures. Go work for the president and leave me alone!''_ – she told him with anger in her voice.

 _''Well, I might actually do that!''_ – he said and clenched his teeth in anger.

 _''Do it then. I might actually have a one night of sleep at home, since you and Meredith can't stop screaming at each other every night.''_ – she responend quickly.

 _''That's not your business, Amy!''  
_  
 _''It becomes my business when you start taking your frustrations out on me.''_ – she stopped to look at him better _– ''Now move and go talk to your wife.''  
_  
 _''She won't talk to me...''_ – he sighed desperately.

 _''Like you said... it's not my business.''_ \- she said sarcastically and then countinued more calmly - _'I've been stuck in surgery for hours. 'I'm exhausted and hungry. Goodbye Derek!''_

At the same time, situation in the ER finally started to calm down a little bit. Patients, who were seriously injured, were admitted and the rest of them were sent home with sutures and some of them with cast on their limbs.

It was a hell of a day. Especially for a first day as an intern.

Through the day, Alison felt like she was on a roller coaster. From being late and stared at, to standing frozen in the chaotic ER, to being terrified and thrilled at the same time while helping Dr. Shepherd, to being yelled at a couple hundred times while just trying to help with the chaos in the ER.

And just on top of everything, she saw her mother for the very first time and it brought up so many emotions. So many overwhelming emotions that threatened to choke her at some point. But Alison was determined to push them back inside and try to keep her cool. That task proved to be very hard. Especially after she and her new intern friend Zack Mitchell were pushed around by Dr. Grey and Dr. Pierce all day.

Somehow Alison and Zack found themselves in the middle of the clash of the titans. Two doctors were going head to head for hours while treating a patient. When Dr. Grey would order Alison and Zack to do something Dr. Pierce would order something completely different and vice versa. Tension was palpable in the air. And of course that new interns would end up as collateral victims of a battle that was going on between their superiors.

 _''I'm so tired and hungry. You think we could run to cafeteria and grab something to eat?''_ – Zack turned to ask Alison.

 _''Tell me about it. I flew from NYC this morning and since I was already late I haven't had any time to eat. It's 4pm, so yeah...I'm starving. Let's go.''_ – Alison rambled out.

Zack slightly laughed with few question marks in his eyes, but decided to let it go knowing that they would probably spend a lot of time together in the next year, so they'll have more than enough time to talk and get to know each other.  
So he just said eagarly _– ''Let's go. Who knows when we'll catch a break again.''  
_ Alison chuckled and nodded agreeing completely with him.

As soon as they started eating their sandwiches Alison felt even more hungry and more exhausted. And she was sure, that wouldn't help with emotional heaviness she felt weighing on her chest all day. But she was sticking with her decision from earlier, not to think about it for now.

Too bad that the universe had kind of a different plan for her.  
The two of them were so hungry that since they bought those sandwiches not a word has been spoken 'till they were finishing them up. Zack was amazed with his new friend so he couldn't keep himself from talking anymore.

 _''So Alison, I don't want to be rude, but how old are you?''_ – he asked.

 _''I'm 18. What do you say about that? I guess your around 25, old man?''_ – she smiled teasingly.

 _''18? How did you manage to finish school so early?''_ – he was a bit shocked _– ''And I'm actually 23, you baby intern.''_ – he teased back.

 _''I'm kind of smart so they let me pass.''_ – she laughed – _''And heeeeey, don't call me a baby ever again, you 'not that old man'! I figure you're not so dumb yourself, ha?''  
_  
 _''I wouldn't consider myself dumb either. Fine than smartass, you're not a baby.''_ – he chuckled – _''But seriously, I heard you kicked ass this morning with Dr. Shepherd.''  
_  
 _''What if you call me just Ali? As we're going to be friends and everything... And yeah, this morning was pretty thrilling.''_ – she tried to make it clear that she didn't want to talk about it.

 _''Okay, Ali.''_ – he smiled and took a sip of his coffee – _''Hey look, isn't that Dr. Shepherd walking in with Dr. Webber. You should ask her about the surgery. You helped...''  
_  
Alison didn't even want to turn around to see her and for sure she wasn't up for another little talk. But after Webber and Amelia took their coffees they started walking in direction of Ali's and Zack's table on their way out.

When Alison saw them coming she felt like she's going to have a panic attack and wanted to run. Too bad for her, there wasn't enough the two approached them Amelia said – _''Jean, if you're finished here come with us to check on our John Doe from this morning.''  
_  
 _''I see you met our youngest intern ever. Such talent.''_ – Webber said to Amelia.

Amelia nodded and Alison said _– ''Thank you Dr. Webber. I would like to come Dr. Shepherd.''_

 _''Then let's get this party on the road.''_ – Amelia said.

 _''Excuse me, would you mind if I joined your party?''_ – Zack said pleadingly.

 _''Not at all...?''_ – Amelia left the question in the air.

 _'' Mitchell.''_ – Zack didn't need to be asked twice.

Amelia nodded again and they started walking towards the ICU. Richard and Amelia were talking about some new research, Zack was excited even more than a child who has just gotten an ice cream, and Alison...She was stuck in her own mind struggling with the fact that the person walking in front of her was her mother and she couldn't say anything because noone knew. She had this strong urge to run as far as possible.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Dr. Webber turned to her and said _– '' What does the 'S' stand for?''_

 _''I'm sorry, sir. I'm not following.''_ – Alison was confused with the question, just like Amelia and Zack were.

 _'' The initial in your name. On your coat. Alison S. Jean. What does the 'S' stand for? If you don't mind me asking, of course.''_ – Webber cleared.

The three of them were looking at Alison waiting for an answer. But she was stunned with the question. Didn't know what to say. There was no way she would say the truth. She just swallowed hard, looked up and sadly smiled – _''Just something from the past life that I'm still not ready to fully let go.''_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 **A/N: The moment of truth is finally here. This chapter is a little longer than the previous ones. This one and the next one were the hardest for me to write. I feel very protective of Alison and it's going to get tough for her and Amelia. So hang on and please share your thoughts with me. I would like to know what you think. Thank you!**

Since their patient John Doe was still unconscious when Amelia, Richard, Alison and Zack came, there was not much left to do after they did a regular check-up. So Richard and Zack left the room, while Amelia ordered Alison to stay over night to look after his vitals and hopefully progression.

 _''His BP has been very unstable in the past few hours, so watch him like a hawk. Understood?''_ – Amelia said with her official doctorly voice.

 _''Understood, Dr. Shepherd.''_ – Alison confirmed.

 _''Good. Page me or Dr. Hunt if something happens.''_ – Amelia added and left the room.  
Amelia was just leaving the chart at the nurse station when she saw Meredith coming.

 _''Hi. You look like you had a rough day.''_ – Amelia said to her sister-in-law and frowned a little herself.

 _''I sure did. Are you okay?''_ – Meredith looked at her slightly anxious.

 _''Yeah...fine...just tired. Long day.''_ – she sighed and they started walking.

 _''Mmmhmm''_ – Meredith murmured not so convinced but continued – _''Have you seen Derek today?''_

 _'' Haven't just seen him. We had a little showdown in the hallway. Two hous ago, actually''_ – Amelia was still annoyed with her brother.

 _'' Of course you did.''_ – Meredith couldn't help but smile at Amelia's sarcasm.

 _''You two will work it out. I'm sure.''_ – Amelia smiled too.

 _''Too bad there's nothing to work out. He decided he's leaving and I decided I'm not. So... We're at the dead end right now. But he should go. It's a great opportunity, right?''_ – Meredith's voice cracked a bit.

Amelia didn't know what to say to her. Meredith was obviously hurt, but Amelia couldn't think of anything to say to make her feel better. So she decided to change the subject and lighten the mood.  
 _'' So, what do you think about new interns? I haven't seen you this morning in the gallery.''  
_  
 _'' Yeah, I missed Webber's well known speech. I was in surgery. But they look confused and terrified like they all do on the first day.''_ – Meredith chuckled and then remebered something and continued _– '' Ouuu...and yeah...there was one intern. Girl. Looks very young for an intern. When I first saw her she reminded me of Derek, and for a second there I got scared that she could be his daughter who came here to find him and destroy my not-so-perfect-life. It happend to Mark few years ago. He didn't even know he had a daughter and when she came she completely took over his life, so he and Lexie broke up.''_

Amelia just mouthed _– ''Oh''_.

 _''So, you can get why I wasn't so nice to her at first. But she seems okay and hopefully clean of those 'Shepherd genes' you guys share.''_ – Meredith laughed at her own joke.

Since Amelia didn't say anything nor she laughed at the joke, Meredith said _– ''I'm heading to pick up the kids from the daycare. See you at home?''  
_  
 _''Aham. See you there.''_ – was all Amelia could answer.

As Amelia was changing from her scrubs and grabbing her stuff to go home, she felt as if her insides were twisting. Lump in her throat was making it even harder not to start crying. When she got into her car there was nothing that could stop the tears from coming. All breaks were down as her heart was crumbling and drowning in tears, yet again, for the life she could've had with her little girl, but gave it up. She tried to calm down explaining to herself that all these reminders today were only coincidences, but her heart simply rejected to listen the reason. She sat there for some time 'till the tears have dried up, then went home hoping to get some much needed sleep.

It was around 2am and Alison couldn't help but notice that hours seemed to drag, but after such an exhausting day she appreciated some peace and quiet. The patient was stable, showing no change, good or bad. And after all the surgeries he had at once, that was great. Alison was thankful for his state. She was drained emotionally and physically. She frowned even more when she remembered that she promised to call her familiy and haven't got the chance to do so. They all texted her throughout the day to wish her luck and ask how things were going. Even Nana texted her and she hates it, actually she never did it before. They loved her and she missed them already.

After and hour or so, she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore so she closed them just for a second, to rest a little. Obviously, she fell asleep.  
And she dreamed. That dream was her escape from reality for as long as she could remember. 'Her mom tucked her in bed, then layed down beside her, read her a story while playing with her dark little locks, then kissed her so many times and she never left her side before she fell asleep.'  
Alison loved that dream, but she hated waking up knowing it could only happen in her dreams. When she was younger she cried every time after waking up, feeling so lonely. That made her feel weak sometimes, but in the last year or two as the dream was starting to fade away she needed it even more. It made her more resilient.

She roused from sleep after few hours. At first she didn't know where she was, but after blinking few times she jumped from the chair and looked at the monitors and vitals of her patient, that she was supposed to look after, not sleep beside his bed. Everything seemed to be good. BP even better than before. She sighed with relief.

Around 8am Dr. Hunt came to check up on John Doe. He ordered her to go shower and eat something, take some time to breathe and then come back. Alison thanked him and ran as fast as she could, not giving him a chance to change his mind.

She was kept busy by Dr. Edwards for few hours, drawing blood, rushing lab test, x-rays etc. So when she got back to ICU the patient was awake, but not willing to say his name. The police couldn't find out who he was. Noone reported him missing nor was looking for him, and the car he drove was stolen. Everyone tried to talk to him, but all he had to say were jokes and dirty comments.

When Alison came in his eyes widened. He looked pretty much smitten with her, so instead of a dirty comment he offered a smile and said – _''Hi beautiful. What's your name?''  
_  
 _'' Since you are John Doe for us, than I guess I'll be Jane Doe for you.''_ – Alison answered. Amelia seemed to appreciate the dose of sarcasm in Alison's voice, because she smirked a little.

 _''I'm all up for sharing my last name with you, beautiful. Even if it's Doe.''_ – he was obviously flirting.

If he wasn't a criminal Alison would definetely admit that he was charming. But she continued and said – _''Too bad I don't fall for false charm of criminals and drunk drivers. But, just for fun, let's say I do. What kind of a charmer would you be without saying your name? A coward maybe?''  
_  
She got him good with that one. He flinched and for the first time he was distracted. But he continued – _''Uuuu give me some morphium, I just got burned.''_

Alison didn't answer, so he snapped _– '' Fine, beautiful. I'll tell you my name and my story. But on one condition. After that you tell me your name?''  
_  
 _''Only if you say the truth we have a deal.''_ – Alison said after letting him wait for a few moments just to tease him.

He nodded and then started talking. _'' My name is Robert Daniels. I'm 17 and I live on the streets. My mother gave me up when I was 4. Since then I have been in the foster sistem. The people I'm supposed to be living with threw me out. And that's about it. You won't ever understand me, so don't even bother. Now can I know your real name, Jane Doe? ''_

 _'' You know there are better ways to get attention than drinking and driving, hurting so many people and almost killing yourself in the process, right?''_ – Alison told him understanding where he was coming from. Everyone in the room where staring at her. It was so quiet that you could hear a fly.

 _''I told you, you can't understand unless you've been through it. So don't bother.''_ – he answered calmly.

 _''My name is Alison Jean. My mother gave me up when I was born. So yeah...I understand and know exactly how you feel. And I'm telling you, you can do much better than this.''_ – Alison felt tears forming in her eyes after the confession, so she ran away, not looking back. Hunt, Webber and the boy were surprised, but nobody's reaction could compare to Amelia's. She was shocked.

And in that moment she knew. She just knew. And she couldn't believe it. Of course those blue eyes looked familiar and her dark hair and freckles, and the way she walked and talked. It was written all over her. The resemblence Meredith saw was real, but she wasn't quite correct. Alison reminded her of Derek only because Amelia and Derek look a lot alike. Amelia couldn't breathe. She felt like the whole world was collapsing on her head.  
She walked out of the ICU without any word. Lost in her thoughts, confusion and feeling the tears burning her cheeks and her heart at the same time.

What was she supposed to do? What do you say to your daughter 18 years after you gave her away? Nothing she says or does now can turn back time...


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

That was the first time Alison said out loud to someone that she was given up for an adoption by her mother when she was born. The first time ever. It was so hard. And painful. But it finally seemed that she accepted who she truly was. For so long she was unable to say it. When she was younger kids at school were very mean. They bullied her a lot because she was given away. The only escape she had were books. Lots and lots of books. Those books haven't only given her an escape, they've given her the knowledge. And the knowledge has given her the confidence. All that has tought her to be strong and to always want more, to be better. Of course that the pain was always there, following her around whereever she went, but it was managed. She managed to keep it hidden from the world most of the time. Few times she let herself be vunlerable, but only at home, mostly when she was alone, rarely with her familiy around. But they understood her because they have all been through it themselves. It was comforting to know that she wasn't completely alone.

Now that she has said it and her mother was there to hear it, she felt strange. Not much has changed. The pain was still there, but she was at least proud that she maybe helped that boy understand that life's not easy for anyone and that he can still do better regardless of what other may think or say. For a moment there she forgot that she was talking to a patient, so she suspected that her superiors were probably angry at her. But she could deal with that. As long as Amelia didn't figure out who she was and what she was talking about. But after Alison dropped the bomb shell she ran away, so she didn't have the time to see their reactions. She ran for some time until she found an empty closet room. She hid there, crouched down like she used to when she was little and then she let heavy tears fall down her face.

At the same time, Amelia was sobbing hard in her office, away from the curious looks of people. She replayed the last day probably a hundred times in her head trying to find some clues that would prove to her that she's wrong and just imagining things. But there was nothing of that sort. It was only clearer to her that she wasn't mistaken. Amelia was now sure that Alison was her little girl.

Then a scary thought hit both of them. At some point they had to confront each other. They had to talk. Alison was even thinking of running back to NYC. That's how much she was afraid of looking Amelia in the eyes and asking - why. Although she wasn't actually afraid of the question. She was more afraid of the answer.  
Unlike Alison, Amelia was afraid of all the questions she wouldn't know how to give answers to.

The rest of the day Amelia spent in the OR, doing surgery after surgery, focusing on the brains in front of her and trying to save lives. She needed to feel useful. And Alison spent the day between trying to study in the skills lab and working in the ER with Dr. Kepner.  
Even if they didn't know it yet, the two of them were so alike. Both running from their emotions and hiding behind the books, papers and work.

Around 9pm Alison's first shift was officialy over and she was so relieved. She couldn't wait to go shower and sleep in a real bed. After what happend with that patient earlier she couldn't find the strength to call her family after all. She was very upset and very tired and she didn't want them to see or hear her like that. So she just texted them that she was stuck at work and that she would definetely skype them tomorrow. Alison hated lies more than anything, but this one was a white lie in her mind, for their own good. She changed from scrubs in her regular clothes and decided to go through the very strangely quiet ER to avoid anyone stopping her on her way out.

As she was passing by trauma room 2, where everything started yesterday, she heard someone calling her. She turned around and started shaking when she saw who it was.

 _''Can we...maybe...talk for a minute?''_ – Amelia's voice was very insecure, but she was sure enough to open the trauma room door and show Alison to come in.

Alison's thoughts were in a mess and she had some trouble making herself move, let alone talk, but she walked in the room without a single word.  
Amelia closed the door and bit her lip trying to figure out what to say and how to say it. Those moments of heavy silence dragged like hours. Alison was looking down, unable to look at Amelia, afraid of her own reaction.

 _''You were born in NYC, weren't you?''_ – Amelia finally broke the silence.  
Alison just nodded, still unable to speak. She had a feeling where this conversation was going.

 _'' The 'S' in your name...''_ – Amelia had to stop for a second to gather all the strength she had to say the words, then shakingly continued – _''What does it stand for?''_

Alison flinched like she was burned and looked up at Amelia. For a few seconds she just looked in her eyes. They were teary and she could see so much fear and pain. She opened her mouth to answer, but couldn't find the words at first. Finally she answered _– '' I think you know.''  
_  
Amelia sighed heavily. There was not a single doubt in her mind anymore. But now she was left speechless. She struggled with her own thoughts then whispered _– ''You kept it...''  
_  
 _''My name was the only thing I had from you. So I kept it as a reminder that you really exist somewhere, even though you left me. So yeah...''_ – Alison said bitterly.

Amelia couldn't fight the tears anymore. The guilt was eating her alive all these years, but the guilt she felt while looking at Alison was something she couldn't bear. She sobbed for a minute trying to compose herself, while Alison was just standing there numb.

 _''I had to put you first.''_ – Amelia inhaled and continued – _''Put aside all my selfish feelings. There was no chance I would let you grow up with nothing. I was a mess and in some ways I still am. And in time you would resent me and start to hate me, because I was unable to give you more and you deserved more. A good life, family...I couldn't give you that.''  
_  
 _'' So you gave me away instead... All these years I wondered how you could choose to let me grow up without you. I was so angry at you.''_ – Alison swallowed hard – _''I am still so angry!''  
_  
 _''I wasn't...''_ – Amelia choked a little and said with tears – _''All I had to give was love and that just wasn't enough. I wasn't good enough...''  
_  
 _''Of course it would've been enough. That love you talk about...''_ – now Alison was on the edge of breaking down – _''Your love was all I would ever need. And I needed it so bad and I have missed you since the day you left me! But you decided that it was more important for me to have all those material things...''  
_  
 _''I am so sorry!''_ – Amelia interrupted Alison _– ''I...I'm sorry for all of that. But...look at you now. You're beautiful and so intelligent and successful. And I will never be sorry for giving you the chance to become all those things.''_

 _''You may have given me that chance, but...''_ – Alison frowned and looked Amelia with so much sadness _– ''I grew up knowing nothing about you or any of that. All I knew was that I was given away. And I was so little and so insecure and HURT. I thought I wasn't good enough, smart enough...and I was alone! You may have given me the chance, but you made me and orphan too. For years I cried myself to sleep...''.  
_  
Alison's words stabbed Amelia's heart like knives. She did that to her daughter. She made her suffer that much when all she wanted to do was to keep her from suffering.  
 _''I'm sorry...I thought...I thought I was doing the right thing. Saving you from myself...''  
_  
 _''You did the right thing. For yourself! You're a world-class surgeon now. You built a life.''_ – Alison's words were filled with anger and resentment.

 _''And I did that all thanks to you. You saved me, baby girl. You gave me the reason to fight my addiction and to stay alive. But you were innocent and you didn't deserve to be dragged in that mess. And believe me, it was terrible...''_ – Amelia tried to explain _– '' I HAD TO PUT YOU FIRST!''  
_  
Alison couldn't move. Couldn't speak. Couldn't breathe. Those words stunned her. She felt real physical pain at that point and an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion.

 _''I just...I don't know what to say or how to feel. I wanted to meet you and talk to you, and say everything that was buried deep inside for so long...I thought it would give me some closure and help me move on...''_ – Alison was fighting with tears when Amelia said _– ''Move on? Alison, please!''_ – she frowned and could barely whisper _\- ''Don't...''  
_  
 _''I'm not sure I can stay here and see you every day. I'm not sure I know how to get over this anger...''_ – Alison's words hit Amelia right in the face.

 _''I know I don't have any right to ask you this...But please...''_ – Amelia cried – _''Give me a chance.''_

Alison looked away. She couldn't be there anymore. In that room.  
 _''I need to go. I'm sorry. I need time...''_

After saying that, she left the trauma room without even looking at Amelia. She didn't really know what she meant by saying she needed time, because she had plenty of it. 18 years, to be precise. But this felt different. She wasn't only imagining what her mother was like. She had her right there in front of her, apologizing for everything, answering her questions and saying all those words she wanted to hear, but for some reason those words didn't sound the same out loud as they sounded in her mind. Alison was shocked by her own reaction, by all that anger that came out like poison from her mouth. For years she dreamed of meeting her mother. She had thought of so many different scenarios, but apperentely all those were only wishful thinking of a child missing a mother. She was still hurt. Even though deep down she knew Amelia was right in some was, she couldn't admit it yet. Not to Amelia, not to herself.

She couldn't keep it together anymore or run from all the emotions boiling inside of her. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide anymore. After many years that mask of strength finally fell off and she broke down. Just like that. Everything erupted from her. Anger, loneliness, fears, every single weakness turned into storm of tears. It was all too much and she just fell apart.

After Alison left, all the heaviness fell on Amelia. She cried and didn't even try to stop the tears. She didn't know what to do, but there was one thing she knew. She couldn't let Alison go like that. She couldn't make the same mistake again. So she ran after her, without any hesitation. And there she was, her little girl, in front of the ER, in the dark, alone, crouching down, crying so painfully, holding herself not to fall apart.

 **A/N: This was so heartbreaking, hard and challenging to write. I would really like to read your thoughts. Thank you for reading.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Alison's thoughts were a mess. Everything she ran from for years cought up with her. Memories of a little girl praying to God every night to give her her mommy back; her first day of school when she had to say that she didn't have mom and dad like all the other kids; her birthdays without the love and attention that only a parent can give; her first day in a new home, learning how to love David; waking up alone after dreaming of her mom putting her to sleep; the day she stopped praying because she figured that noone was listening; all those times she thought she didn't belong and then the day when she stopped feeling like that and embraced her new family; the day she found out who were her parents and what happened to them; the day when she decided to hide her last name 'Shepherd' behind an inital; and so many tears she had to swallow and not show them to the world. Everything cought up with her and there was no turning back anymore. So she ran from the trauma room and the ER.

When she got outside, fresh air hit her in the face and her eyes couldn't fight and hold the tears. Her legs couldn't hold the weight and they started shaking. She hid in the dark when her legs betrayed her and she fell on her knees. Sobbs that came out of her sounded more like screams. The pain she felt in that moment was unbearable. So she closed her eyes and let it all pour out.

Amelia's heart broke a little more on the sight of Alison kneeling and crying in the dark. For a second she just stood there not knowing what to do or say, but her motherly instincts kicked in in the right moment. She approched Alison slowly, afraid to scare her off. She got on her knees too, got her arms around Alison and took her in an embrace, not willing to ever let go of her again.

At first Alison tried to push her away and move.  
 _''Leave...me...alone...''_ – she could barely articulate the words between the sobbs.

Amelia weakend the hug a little, just to be able to look better at Alison and said – _''I will never, EVER, leave you alone again, baby girl! I can promise you that!''  
_  
Alison was still very tense, but she opened her eyes to look at Amelia.  
Amelia waited, to let her words sink in, and then she hugged her again, even tighter then before. This time Alison gave up fighting. She leaned even more in the hug and cried on Amelia's shoulder for some time.

That anger she felt minutes ago started fading away with every second that passed. The pain was still there, but fading slowly. She couldn't make herself stop crying, though. But she found it very comforting when Amelia started stroking her hair and rocking her in her arms.  
 _''Shhh...shhh...sweety, it's okay. Shhh...shhh...''_

Alison could hear Amelia grasping for air between those comforting words and her own tears. She was trying to be strong for her daughter and Alison knew that, but she couldn't say anything. Her own tears were hard enough to control and deal with at that moment. Although, she didn't want to break the hug, she moved away.

Amelia looked at her through the tears confused and afraid at the same time. Alison then stood up. Her whole body was shaking. Then she reached down for Amelia's hand, saying without a word to stand up. When Amelia stood up she was expecting to be left there standing alone. She was afraid that their moment was over. And she could see that Alison was shaking, so she took her hand again and just stood there letting Alison know that she was there if she needed her.

There was something sacred in the tears they shared in the silence. Those tears have spoken louder than words could ever do. They were showing such an overwhelming grief both of them felt, but there was something more...an unspeakable love that was always there inside of them, but never shared before.

Silence was, yet again, broken by Amelia.  
 _''Where are you staying? Let me drive you. It looks like it's going to start raining any second. And you're still shaking...''  
_  
 _''I'm staying in a hotel, just a block away from here. It's close, so no need to drive.''_ – Alison said and looked up to see Amelia's disappointment, then continued _– ''But...You can walk with me if you want...''  
_  
 _''Only if you want me to.''_ – Amelia said, not wanting to force anything.

 _''It's really close...''_ – Alison paused, and Amelia jumped in and said _– ''And you look like you could use a hand to hold while walking. You're still shaking pretty bad...''  
_  
Alison nodded and for the first time offered a little smile. She brushed away the tears with her sleeve and started walking towards the sidewalk. Amelia followed and took Alison's hand again. The walk to the hotel was quiet. Both of them wrapped in their own thoughts and feelings about the last half an hour. Alison took deep breaths to calm herself, trying to take in everything that happened. Exhaustion hit her again and she sighed.

Amelia's thoughts were interrupted by the rain that was starting to drizzle. It was getting cold and she was only wearing her scrubs. No lab coat, no long sleeves. They got to the entrance in the hotel when the heavy shower started. As much as Amelia didn't want to force anything she had to go inside to, at least, hide from the rain.  
Alison surprised her when she said _– ''Come upstairs with me. I'll find you something dry and warm to wear''  
_  
 _''It's okay. You don't have to do that. I'll just wait for the shower to pass. And you're very tired...''_ – Amelia wanted to give her some space.

 _''I dragged you here. That's the least I can do. Come on.''_ – Alison didn't give in and she pressed the button to call the elevator.

When they got to the room, Alison felt the urge to just curl in the bed and sleep. She showed Amelia where to find the towels and left her in the bathroom. Her clothes weren't dry either, so she decided to jump into her PJ's, since she was alone in the room. She found something for Amelia to wear and left it on the sofa. Amelia was drying her hair in the bathroom, while silence and exhaustion took their tolls on Alison, as she fell asleep.

Minutes later, Amelia got back to the room and found Alison sleeping. She couldn't take her eyes off of her. She looked so peaceful and calm. No tears, no pain on her face. And she couldn't help but smile when she saw her PJ with teddy bears all over. Alison maybe was an intern and very intelligent, but she was still a teenager. After Amelia changed she looked out the window and saw that the raining was slowing down.

She wanted to stay and to watch her baby sleep, but she knew she should go. So, she found the blanket and wrapped it around Alison, because she fell asleep on top of the covers, then stroked her hair and leaned in to kiss her forehead. She cursed herself after kissing her, because she woke her up.

 _''Go back to sleep. I'm going to go now.''_ – Amelia whispered.

Alison rubbed her eyes and bit her lip. One part of her wanted Amelia to stay, and the other one wanted to be alone. She was torn. As Amelia approched the door, she said _– ''Don't go...Please.''_.

She could feel one tear escaping her again.

Amelia immediately turned around and came back. She wiped that tear off, kissed Alison on her forehead again and gave her a big hug. And without a word she lied down, and Alison put her head on Amelia's chest and in a matter of seconds she fell asleep.  
Amelia felt Alison relaxing and her deep breaths were in harmony with Amelia's heartbeat. She couldn't stop the tears of joy and relief falling. Her baby girl was sleeping in her embrace for the first time.  
And in that moment something big shifted in Amelia. 18 years ago she gave birth to a little girl, but didn't have the chance to be a mother. And now, while holding her, she finally became a mother.

 **A/N: Nothing is more comforting than a mother's hand wiping away your tears, right? After a little bit of drama and a lot of tears, I am happy to see these two making a bond. Let me know what you think. I love reading your comments. And thank you all for reading.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

 **A/N: Alison's dream is changing and Amelia is finally here to wake her up. I was so happy to write that. And the Jean family is here. There's a lot of family love in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for reading.**

Amelia couldn't fall asleep for hours. Her mind was constantly replaying the conversation she and Alison had, while her heart was overflown with emotions. Through her life she had known love, she loved and she was loved back. But the feeling she felt in those moments was inexplicable. Profound, pure, selfless and instant love.

Thinking back of her 'Hurricane Amelia days' she couldn't imagine herself being a parent, but now she could finally say that those days and that person were ancient history. She was still a mess sometimes. There was no denying that. But a lot has changed. Before, she was considered just an addict and the black-sheep of her family. But now, she was recovering addict and a pretty badass neurosurgeon. She was even taking over Derek's service by being the head of neuro.

Her love life was a mess, though. She felt very bad for leaving James in LA, but Seattle did her good. She was more calm and focused, at least before she got a little reminder that her past was still a huge part of her. Luckily, this part of her past, even though very painful for her, wasn't all that dark. It gave her hope. Better said, SHE gave her hope. And now, besides all those roles she had in this world, there has been one more that needed to be written on the list. She was a mother.

Even though she was really tired and sleepy there was no way she could fall asleep and let herself miss something. She wasn't there for 18 years and what better time to start compensating for everything she missed then right now.

For the most part of the night Alison was relaxed and in a deep sleep. Poor thing was so exhausted and her body needed the rest, just like her mind needed the time to process. Hours passed and she didn't even move a finger from Amelia's embrace.  
As the sun's rays began to pierce through the window Amelia could feel Alison tensing up in her sleep. She was dreaming that same old dream, but a little bit different this time.

 _She was little and her mom was tucking her in bed, reading her a story and kissing her goodnight. And then she was heading to the door to leave the room when little Alison asked her not to go. She never liked the dark and falling asleep alone and her mom never left her side before she was asleep. But this time her mom told her that she was sorry, but she had to go. Little Alison started crying for her, begging her not go, not to leave her alone. She was afraid._

The dream turned into a nightmare she was always facing, but not before she was awake and back in the real world.

After few minutes, Amelia could feel something was wrong. Alison wasn't relaxed and peaceful anymore. She was clenching and holding onto Amelia like she was fighting for her own dear life. Then the tears came, a lot of them. Amelia felt the fear in Alison, as she started begging – _''Don't go. Pleaseeee. Don't leave me alone. I'm scared.''_ – she sobbed – _''Don't...why...pleasee...come back...Don't leave me...!''  
_  
Amelia could assume that Alison was calling and crying for her in the dream, so she pulled her closer _. ''I'm here, baby. It's okay. I'm not leaving. Shhhh...shhh...Don't cry. I'm here. You're not alone...''_

Alison calmed a little, but then she started crying again, even more. That nightmare seemed too real. Then she felt someone shaking her and calling for her.

 _''Ali, wake up. Wake up, sweety. It's okay. It's just a dream. Calm down. It's okay.''_ – Amelia saw she wasn't still completely awake and continued with a loving voice – _''I'm here, baby. I'm not leaving. Calm down. It's okay. Shhh...shhh...shhh...''  
_  
Alison opened her eyes, afraid and confused. She didn't know where she was and what happened, in the first moment. But Amelia's voice calmed her down a bit. She wasn't alone. Amelia was there. For the first time in her life she didn't fall asleep alone and she didn't wake up alone. Amelia was holding her tight, kissing her forehead, while she was trying to catch a breath.

They stayed like that for some time, 'till Alison's tears were all gone. The silence was very soothing, but Alison felt like she owed an explanation about what happened.

 _''Since I can remember I've had this dream in which I'm little and you tuck me in bed, read to me, kiss me and stay by my side until I fall asleep''_ – Alison started with a shaky voice _– '' I always loved the dream, but hated waking up to reality. This time the dream was different, because at the end of it you left. I was scared and started crying. And I guess that's when you woke me up.''_ – she finished, still leaning her head on Amelia's chest and not looking up at her.

Amelia swallowed hard. It wasn't easy to hear that.  
 _''I am glad I was able to calm you.''_ – she whispered – _''And that I was here this time.''_

Before Alison could say anything, Amelia's pager started buzzing. She was paged to the ER.  
She sighed, angry she had to go when there was so much left unsaid between them.  
 _''I'm sorry. I have to go.''  
_  
Alison got up. She felt kind of akward standing there and looking Amelia in the eyes, but she said _– ''It's okay. Really.''_ – then added _– ''I guess we both need some space to think about everything. I know I do.''  
_  
Amelia started changing back into her scrubs and said _– ''My shift ends around 4pm. When are you coming in?''  
_  
 _''I'm starting at 3pm and finishing the next morning.''  
_  
 _''I have a day off tomorrow, so...we can meet if you'd like?''_ – Amelia asked.

 _''That would be okay, I guess.''  
_  
 _''Great then''_ – Amelia wrote her phone number on a piece of paper she found on the table – _''Here's my number. Call me whenever you want and I'll pick you up.''  
_  
 _''Okay, I will.''_ – Alison said, still feeling very akward.  
Amelia kissed her on the cheek fast and was already at the door when Alison asked _– ''Does anyone know?''  
_  
In that moment Amelia felt the akwardness too.  
 _''Noone here. Not yet, at least. But we'll talk about it later. That sounds good?''_  
Alison nodded and Amelia rushed through the door.

After Amelia left, Alison decided that it was time to finally call her family.  
Seconds later, the skype call was connecting and she saw David, Nana and Isabella on the screen smiling. She grinned back at them.  
 _''Hi guys. It's sooooo good to see you.''  
_  
 _''Ouu Ali, honey, you look so tired. Did you eat anything?''_ – Nana couldn't help herself. She had to worry about everything.

 _''Don't worry, Nana. I'm heading to breakfast after the call.''_ – Alison smiled and Nana seemed happy with the response.

 _''Tell us everything. How was your shift? Did you do something cool?''_ – Bella was excited like always.

 _''I diiiiid. I worked in the ER. Terrible car crash happened. There was a lot of victims. I helped when the neurosurgeon had to open the boy's scull. My task was to suction the blood. It was soo cool and adrenaline hit me...And I was terrified and excited all at once.''  
_  
 _''Woooooow, that sounds so cool, Ali.''_ – Bella looked actually impressed – _''You're like a real doctor now.''  
_  
 _''I, actually, am a real doctor, Bella.''_ – Alison chuckled – _''How are you, David? You're quiet.''  
_  
 _''I'm just waiting for my turn. You women are always so chatty.''_ – David smiled _– ''I'm fine, busy like always. How are you? You haven't mentioned Amelia Shepherd, yet. Did you meet her?''  
_  
Alison stopped for a second, not knowing what to say or where to start. David, Nana and Bella looking at her, waiting.  
 _''The neurosurgeon I helped...That was her. So yeah, we met. And yesterday when the boy woke up I talked to him and said something...that's when she figured out who I was.''  
_  
The three of them seemed a bit shocked, but two more faces joined the conversation and inetrrupted the story, but Alison didn't mind. She was glad they did.  
 _''Heeey Nate. Heey Ashley.''_ – Alison smiled widely again.

 _''Well, hi there, you. Long time no see.''_ – Nate said.

 _''I miss you, little sis'.''_ – Ashley shouted from the kitchen _– ''Be the best...and you know what I always say...''  
_  
 _''I know, I know...I will kick some ass.''_ – Alison laughed _– ''Miss you too.''  
_  
 _''Watch your mouth, young lady!''_ – Nana jumped in.

 _''Uppps, sorry Nana. It sliped.''_ – Alison was still laughing.

Nana just shook her head, when David continued _– ''And did you two talk?''  
_  
Alison sighed _– ''We did. Last night. I cried a lot and I was really angry at first. It was quite a mess. I ran from her, but she came after me and hugged me. We both cried. Then she walked me to the hotel and I asked her to stay, so she did. She was paged to the ER half an hour ago.''  
_  
Four faces on the screen weren't smiling anymore. They were worried. Alison's story left them speechless. Lucas came in the right moment.

 _''How do you feel? Are you okay?''_ – Lucas broke the akward silence.

Alison didn't know the answer to that question herself yet. It was still very confusing.  
 _''I guess I am. I don't know. I haven't got the time to think about everything that happened yet.''  
_  
After that the conversation was back on track. Everyone talking over each other. It sounded chaotic, but it made Alison very happy to hear them all.

 _''Was she good to you?''_ – David asked.

 _''Ouu she better be good to you or she'll have to deal with me!''_ – Nana said.

 _''Is she smart? Pretty?''_ – Bella and Ashley were curious.

 _''She was great with me and she's a great neurosurgeon. I really look a lot like her. And now I know where my sarcasm comes from ''_ – Alison smirked.

They all laughed and the conversation went on for about half an hour. Before they finished, Alison promised to call again as soon as she can. And of course, she had to promise Nana she would eat regularly. When she turned off the skype, she felt much lighter and happier. Then her stomach reminded her that she hasn't eaten since yesterday, so she went out for breakfast.

Even though her day started with a nightmare, everything after that was great. She was still confused about her situation with Amelia and she had a lot of questions, but after last night and this morning she knew she'll have the time to ask anything. She was even thinking about praying again. Well, times were definetely changing.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 **A/N: I'm very sorry for not updating sooner. Exams got in the way. I hope to update more in the next few days. Don't give up on me. ;) Thank you for reading.**

Amelia was stuck in surgeries almost 'till the end of her shift. Saying she was tired wouldn't even start to explain the real feeling. 24 hours without sleep and a lot of coffee could make a person a little cranky, and with everything that's happened she was more than a little cranky. And she needed something more.  
Amelia craved for a drink.

She needed something to make her brain slow down. All day she distracted herself with surgeries and paperwork, but when her shift was over she knew she had to go to a meeting. As soon as possible.

Luckily, she came just in time. Richard was already there. She waved him, signaling to save her a seat. Almost a week ago, when she first came to a meeting in Seattle, she walked in just in time to hear Richard's confession about his daughter, he never knew he had, coming to work in the hospital. Amelia was a bit shocked. Finding out her sister-in-law has a sister and she doesn't even know it, and having to keep that a secret. That wasn't an easy burden to carry, especially for Amelia. She was somewhat famous for not having a filter.

But she was a grown-up now and she would never talk about something she heard on a meeting outside of one. She met Maggie Pierce few days ago in the cafeteria and she seemed very nice. Amelia decided they could be good friends since they were both new ones around. And Richard, even though he was a little hesitant about Amelia knowing everything at first, appreciated her support. Right then he could not even imagine what kind of secret Amelia had kept for so many years.

Amelia found her way to the seat Richard saved for her and the meeting started. As the meeting proceeded, people talking and confessing their fears and weaknesses, Amelia argued with herself. She knew she needed to talk, but the fear took over her mind and she just sat there trying to look as calm as possible. Almost an hour later the meeting was closer to its end and Amelia still couldn't find the courage to walk in front of them all and spill her biggest secret. Richard noticed Amelia's fingers restlessly circling. He could feel the nerves radiating from her tense body.

 _''Talking will help you Amelia. Each minute you keep silent you're closer to walking to Joe's and buying a drink. Believe me, I've been there.''_ – he whispered with fatherly concern.

Amelia was very well aware that he was right. She was trying to shush every single cell in her body that was screaming for a glass of wine, or a bottle for that matter. Triggers were on each corner every day. Even the good things could push an addict to relapse. And this secret brought its own storm of emotions, all over again. Even the good can be a curse for an addict.

Few deep breaths later, Amelia stood up and walked up to the front. She cleared her throat and and said – _''Hi. I'm Amelia and I'm an addict.''  
_  
 _''Hi Amelia''_ – everyone greeted.

She was busy trying to gather her thoughts that she didn't notice at first that she just stood there silently.  
 _''I was 16 when I took my first pill. My best friend and I were foolish enough to think that being a nerd wasn't as cool as being a drug addict. We grew up together and were always the best versions of ourselves with each other. 'Till one day we've seen each other at our worst. I can't even remember those days clearly now. We were lost in that foggy space for months. We slept together few times, I think. One day we took everything we had. I crashed my brother's car and was dead for three minutes. And he...he went home, fell asleep and never woke up. I found out about that a month later when I was in rehab, trying to get myself together because...''_ – she stopped, tears sliding down her face. Her throat constricted so much that the words were stuck, not wanting to get out. But Amelia knew she had to say it.

 _''...because...I found out I was pregnant.''  
_  
Little sob escaped her mouth. Richard just swallowed hard and kept looking at her with so much support in his eyes.

She continued – _'' I don't even know how my baby wasn't already messed up. I never prayed and believed in God, but for that I thank Him or the Universe or whatever it is up there.  
I gave birth to a healthy little girl and gave her away to save her from myself.  
Almost nobody knew about it. Only my mother and one of my friends.  
My family was always so perfect and I just couldn't tell them.  
But I am here today, 18 years later, sober, thinking about my little girl every day. Only to be shocked, because she's here in Seattle. She came to find me and we talked last night. The whole world fell on me when she said '_ _All these years I wondered how you could choose to let me grow up without you.'  
We both cried a lot and I think she doesn't hate me. But will she ever be able to forgive me? Will she ever love me or call me mom? Do I even deserve that? I' m not sure if she's going to stay, because she won't be able to avoid me every day in the hospital...'' _– Amelia realized what she said in that last sentence.

She looked at Richard, shock written all over his face. He figured it out. He put together the pieces. The initial 'S' in the name, the confession that her mother left her, running away from the ICU, Amelia's strange reaction, similarities in their features. It all made sense. He wasn't surprised anymore by all that intelligence. Shepherd genes were definetely strong. Richard sighed and thought for himself ' what an impossible situation'.

 _''Thank you for listening.''_ – Amelia decided that was more than enough talking for one day.

 _''Thank you for sharing.''_ – few people responed, including Richard.

After the meeting Amelia rushed outside, got in her car and drove away. She couldn't talk to Richard. No more talking for the day. Only shower, food and sleep sounded good at the moment.  
Richard knew Amelia was a runner. Derek and her weren't that much different, as they thought and liked to point out to everyone. So he could understand what a big step for her that confession was. He figured he would let her be for some time. Pushing her would only have a counter effect.

First part of her shift Alison spent on peds. She was excited to meet Dr. Robbins, one of the best pediatric surgeons and a Carter Maddison Grant winner. Alison read a lot about her Malawi program and admired her greatly. So getting to work with her so soon made Alison's day even better than it was before.

She was a bit nervous before the rounds, even Zack noticed, but she loved peds and wanted to become a pediatric surgeon one day. So that's where all those nerves came from. It would mean the world to her if her work was acknowledged by Robbins.

Edwards and her five interns stood near the nurses stations and went through charts when Dr. Robbins finally joined them.  
 _''Okay... I know this is the first time you're on peds rotation with me and I want you to understand that I run my peds unit a little differently than you're maybe used to. This is not general surgery in miniature. These are the tiny humans. These are children. They believe in magic, they play pretends, there is fairy dust in their IV bags. They hope and they cross their fingers and they make wishes and that makes them more resilient than adults. They recover faster, survive worse. They believe. In peds we have...miracles...and magic. In peds...anything is possible!''_ – she smiled, took the first chart from Edwards and walked in the room.

Alison was in awe after that little speech. Everyone praised Dr. Webber's speech, but this one made her remember why she loved medicine in the first place. Sometimes it really seemed like it was some kind of magic.

The first one to present the case was Zack. Alison thought he wasn't bad, but one could see he wasn't that interested in peds and that he felt pretty uncomfortable around children. After him came Polly Young, James Campbell and Daniel Garcia, presenting in that order. Alison was the last one and after seeing her colleages scaring the kids and parents with all that big medical talk, she decided to go with a slightly different approach.

 _''Dr. Jean, would you mind''_ – Robbins said gently.

 _''Of course Dr. Robbins''_ – Alison answered and stepped closer to the little girl's bed.

She presented all the medical stuff to her resident and attending and then turned to the little girl. She could see the tears forming in her eyes so she came closer and said _– ''Don't worry, Bonnie. Dr. Robbins will now check you stomach and she will fix it tommorow. I promise you.''_.

She just nodded, still trying not to cry, so Alison continued _– ''You have a pretty doll here with you. What's her name?''_

 _''Sarah.''_ – she answered without hesitation.

 _''What would you say if you and I check Sarah's stomach just like Dr. Robbins will check your's?''  
_  
Bonnie's eyes opened wider and Alison could see a little bit of excitment behind the tears.  
 _''I can help? Can I listen to her heart first?''  
_  
 _''Of course you can.''_ – Alison chuckled at such a fast change in the mood and gave the stetoscope to her new little helper.

While Bonnie listened to her doll's heart, Alison looked at Robbins and saw her smiling with approval. She even looked impressed a little bit.  
After the check-up on her doll, the little girl didn't mind Dr. Robbins checking her abdomen and that nasty appendix. She flinched few times in pain, but was very brave.

Ten patients later the evening rounds were over. Alison was truly enjoying herself for the first time. Edwards sighed with relief because her interns didn't make fools of themselves and of her, which was even more important.  
Before sending them to the ER Robbins asked them few more questions and added looking at Alison – _''You handled that little girl really great. Did you ever consider peds for a specialty in the future?''  
_  
 _''Thank you.''_ – Alison grinned and continued – _''It's still early for that, but I love children, so who knows.''_  
Arizona nodded and left.

Alison felt like she was on top of the world and couldn't stop grinning.  
 _''Stop grinning so much. It's annoying.''_ – Zack teased her.

 _''Stop being so jelous. It's annoying...AND flattering.''_ – Alison teased back.

Zack just gave her a look and continued – _''Let's check on your John have some spare time''  
_  
Alison's grin faded quickly. _''He's not John Doe anymore. He goes by Robert Daniels now. Let's do that later. We should go to the ER anyway.''_

The rest of the shift they spent in the ER, doing sutures and trying to catch some sleep. Alison spent some time thinking about Amelia. She wasn't sure what will happen with them. But what worse could happen than their first conversation, she thought to herself.

 **A/N: I've always loved that Arizona's little speech about peds, so I had to use it. I hope you don't mind. Please review if you have time. It would mean a lot to hear some feedback.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

 **A/N: I hope you'll enjoy this new chapter, which is focusing on the Shepherd's.**

Last two days were tough on Amelia. After the meeting she was so emotionally drained that even the never-stopping big brain of hers needed to shut down and get some rest. Not sleeping for almost 48 hours gave her the chance to sleep without her thoughts bugging her.

Derek and Meredith stopped yelling at each other, but consequently they stopped talking to each other at all. Tension was overflowing the air in the 'Dream house'. One could feel it from a mile afar, but that night Amelia was so deep in her own mess that she couldn't bother with what was going on.  
Of course she wanted her brother and sister-in-law to figure everything out and move on with their happy McFamily life, but she knew Derek very well. He could be arrogant and self-centered sometimes, especially when it came to his career.  
At times Amelia understood and even admired that ambition her brother had. After all, growing up she idolized him. And there was no doubt about that. But sometimes he could mix up his priorities and get lost in all the possibilities.

The next morning Amelia was awaken by her little crying nephew. Given the crying and all the other sounds coming from the kitchen she could assume her brother was alone with the kids, unsuccessfully trying to get them ready for day care.

For a minute she considered staying quietly in bad, but she couldn't help feeling sorry for Derek. Sometimes it was fun seeing him struggle, but not that much when it was so early in the morning and so much noise and crying. So she got up and went to try and help.

 _''Oh my, what a mess... I see you could use some help.''_ – Amelia tried hard to sound cheerful. Not that successfully, though.

 _''Good morning to you too, Amy.''_ – Derek answered slightly irritated, while trying to make Bailey get out of his PJ.

 _''Hey, let me take care of him. You go and get yourself together. Take a shower or something.''_ – she said as gently as she could and took Bailey from his arms.

At first he just stood there, lost in his thoughts. Finally he said _– ''I'm not going to DC, Amy.''  
_  
She sighed and didn't know what to say except _– ''I'm sorry...''_. Then she thought about what he said.  
 _''Wait. That means I lose my job as the head of neuro?''  
_  
 _''I don't know. Paperwork is already done, so...I'm really not sure what will happen. All I know is that one rough conversation with the President awaits.''_ – he frowned.

Bailey was restless in Amelia's arms, so she turned to him and said – _'' Hey buddy, it's time to get dressed. Let's go and make you the most handsome Shepherd boy.''  
_  
Little guy loved his aunt Amy, so he didn't make a fuss again. She tickled him on the way to his room and laughter finally broke through the wall of tension in the air.

As she was tending her nephew Zola came to the door and called with teary eyes – _''Auntie Amy...''_

 _''What's up, Zozo?''_ – Amelia turned.

 _''Daddy didn't comb my hair right and it looks all ugly. Everybody's going to tease me.''_ – she let few big tears fall.

 _''Don't worry, princess. We'll fix that.''_ – Amelia winked at her little niece.

Zola nodded, hesitated for a second and then asked the question, obviously afraid of the answer, - _''Is daddy going to leave us? I try to be good, but Bailey always cries. And mommy and daddy yell a lot...''  
_  
Amelia was stunned with the question and she felt so sad for the little girl. She was so innocent and didn't deserve to worry or feel that way. She picked Bailey up and came closer to Zola.

 _''Of course not, Zozo. Grown-ups fight sometimes, but that's not your fault. They both love you a lot. You and your brother. And I love you very veeery much, princess Zola.''  
_  
That calmed the little girl a bit. She brushed her tears with her sleeve and smiled to her aunt.  
 _''I love you too, auntie Amy.''  
_  
Those words warmed Amelia's heart and she smiled back to Zola.  
 _''Now, let's fix that mess your daddy made.''  
_  
Both of them chuckled and Zola took Amelia's hand.

Few minutes later Amelia heard Derek calling for her from the kitchen.  
 _''Amy, your phone is ringing. Isn't today your day off?''  
_  
Suddenly, it dawned on Amelia that Alison's shift may be over, so it could be her calling.

 _''Do you want me to get it? It's an unknown number...''  
_  
Her heart started racing at the thought of Derek answering, so she rushed to get the phone, before he did.  
 _''Thanks Derek. I'll get it. The kids are in Zola's room ready.''_ \- Amelia informed her brother, then answered the phone _– ''Hello.''  
_  
 _''Hi. It's Alison. I'm sorry for calling this early, but...''  
_  
 _''No, no. It's okay.''_ – Amelia jumped in promptly, but she sounded like she was in a big hurry.

 _''You sound like you're out of breath._ _Are you okay? ''_ – Alison asked.

 _''I was just helping my brother with the kids, so I rushed to get the phone. I'm okay.''_ – Amelia chuckled softly.

 _''Well, I'm glad I didn't wake you up.''_ – Alison chuckled back.

 _'' You didn't, don't worry.''_ – Amelia couldn't help but grin.

 _''Well...I was thinking...we could maybe have some breakfast or take a walk or something? If you're not busy. You told me to call, so...''_

Amelia could feel how uncomfortable it was for Alison to ask her that, so she responded quickly.  
 _''Or we can do both? When do you want me to pick you up?  
_  
 _'' I would like that.''_ – she retorted – _''Let me just take a shower.''_

 _'' Is half an hour, okay?''_ – Amelia inquired, while Derek walked in with Zola and Bailey. He lifted his eyebrows and gave her a questioning look.

 _''That sounds great. See you then.''  
_  
 _''See you.''_ – Amelia said and with that the conversation was over.

But Derek was still staring at her. She tensed up and got scared. She hoped he would just let it go, but he didn't.  
 _''Who was that? So early and it's your day off...''_

Amelia's heart was pounding. For a second there she felt unstable on her own two feet. She was afraid of telling the truth. He would be hurt, and when it came to her life choices he was almost always very jugdemental.  
She did make bad choices in her past, no denying that, but a little understaning and compassion wouldn't hurt. And there was no way he could give her that at that exact time. He was in the middle of a huge fight with Meredith, so if there was a really bad timing for that kind of revelation that would be it.  
So instead of telling him everything she decided to keep it to herself for a little longer. There was always tommorow when he will be more clear-headed and hopefully more accepting.

 _''Noone. Don't worry about that. Do you need something else?''_ \- Amelia answered as nicely as she could.

 _''You're acting wierd... We are just heading to the hospital. Thank you for the help.''_ – he replied, still very suspicious of his sister.

After taking the shower Alison felt so much lighter, like the water helped washing away few pounds of worry, fear and exhaustion off of her. She sighed with relief. Nerves were still there. She couldn't help it. But at the same time she was excited too. It meant so much to her to see that Amelia was trying, truly trying to be there.  
It was very obvious to Alison that guilt and regret were eating Amelia alive. She could see it in her eyes and she felt a little sorry for her, but the anger of being given away still didn't subside completely. There was no guarantee that anger would ever subside.  
Her thoughts were interrupted by the phone signaling a new text message. It was from Amelia.

She opened it and read: _I'm in the parking lot xoxo_

Sudden nerves hit Amelia as she saw Alison approaching the car. She noticed and definetely recognized the way she walked. It remineded her so much of her best friend. Sad smile flashed on her face. It felt so unfair that he wasn't around to see his daughter being this incredible young person. So unfair he didn't get his second chance like she did. Amelia never stopped wondering why was that. Why she made it and he didn't?

Lost in her thoughts Amelia didn't realize when Alison got in the car.

 _''Hii there, you seem far away from this planet.''_ – Alison smiled softly.

 _''Hi sweety''_ – Amelia smiled back _– ''Yeah, my brain does that sometimes.''  
_  
 _''I know what you mean. It happens to me all the time. I just zone out.''  
_  
They both chuckled at that similarity they shared. Then Alison continued _– ''Where are we going?''_

 _''I thought maybe we can go to Pike Place Market to get something to eat and then in the park that's just north of the Market. What do you think?''_ – Amelia inquired.

 _''I'm new here so I have really no idea where I am.''_ – Alison chuckled – _''But what you said sounds great.''_

 _''I love that Market. Seeing the large crowd of people there reminds me of New York streets, and making through the impenetrable crowd, colliding with people. And then when I come to the park behind the Market I can't help but feel relaxed while looking at the water. It's just like walking in the Central Park. Gives you little peace inside the bee's nest.''_ – Amelia concluded with a little melancholy.

 _''You miss home, don't you?''_ – Alison understood the feeling very well.

 _''Well, I miss how it used to be, way before my life turned to the wrong path. When my dad was still around, Derek, Liz and I unseparable and always bugging Nancy and Kate, mom trying hard not to always be the bad cop in the family... Those days were fun.''_ – Amelia said keeping her eyes on the road.

 _''Woow, you're mom gave birth to so many of you. Poor woman.''_ – it flew out of Alison's mouth.

Amelia laughed – _''Yeah, five of us. Nancy, Kathleen, Derek, Liz and I. We were a hand-full.''  
_  
 _''Where are they all?''_ – Alison was curious.

 _''Derek is here. You know him? Golden boy of the family. Nancy is the oldest. She's an OB/GYN and lives in Connecticut. She has five children, three girls and two boys. Kate is the second oldest. She's a psychiatrist. She too has five children, but four girls and one boy. Liz is a pediatritian and has four children, three girls and a boy. Kate and Liz both live in NYC, just like my mother. Her name is Carolyn. She's been a professional nanny for my sister's children for ages now, but once upon a time she was a nurse.''_ – Amelia tried to be informative.

Alison was honestly stunned _– ''Your family is huge. And all of you are doctors. It sure runs in the family, I see.''  
_ Then she realized that Amelia didn't mention her father. She was hesitant to ask, but she did _– ''And what happened to your dad?''_

Amelia sort of expected that question to come up. Alison was smart enough to notice that he wasn't mentioned. But it was still hard to answer.

 _''He was killed by two men in our shop. Derek and I were there. I was only five when it happened. He wouldn't give up the watch my mom bought him for their anniversary and they just killed him. That changed my life a lot.''_ – she frowned.

Alison was shocked. It pained her to see Amelia so sad. She couldn't imagine how hard it was for her. There was nothing she could say to make it better, so she just whispered, chocked up herself – _''I'm really sorry.''  
_  
Amelia parked her car and before getting out she smiled softly at Alison.  
 _''It was a very long time ago.''_ – she paused for a second, not wanting to talk about the bad stuff anymore, and continued _– ''Now let's go. Aren't you hungry? 'Cause I'm starving.''_

 **A/N: Amelia and Alison are finally getting to know each other and bonding. Who's happy about that? What are your thoughts on when is the right time for Derek to find out? I would love to hear your opinion. Thank you for reading.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

 **A/N: This one's a bit longer and you may recognize some of the dialoges i used from the show. I hope you don't mind. I'm not taking the credit for it, I just wanted to complement my story and it fit great. Enjoy. Thank you for reading.**

Amelia bought them sandwiches and as they ate they chated about Seattle, the weather, their favourite books and movies. They commented on people passing by and laughed so hard. There was nothing forced about it. On the contrary, it was easy and fun.  
After they finished their breakfast they walked through the Market, watched and admired street artists and performers, they even bought few books.

Two hours later Amelia suggested that they go to the park to talk and relax in the peace and quiet a bit. Alison agreed. They found the perfect spot with the best view and sat down.

 _''I had a lot of fun. Thank you for showing me this place. It really does feel like home.''_ – Alison smiled.

 _''Don't thank me. Thank you for wanting to go anywhere with me. I'm not sure I deserve that.''_ – Amelia replied with a touch of sadness and guilt.

Alison wasn't ready to comment on that, so she stayed quiet and looked at the water. The sound of the small waves was soothing. It calmed both of them. They spent few minutes in the comfortable silence, when Alison spoke _– ''Are those ferry boats?''  
_  
Amelia smiled and immediately thought of her brother. _'' Yeah, they are. Have you ever been on one?''_

 _''No. I haven't even seen one 'till now.''_ – Alison exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear – _''They look like fun.''_

 _''I'm beginning to think that Derek and you are going to get along just fine. He loves ferry boats. He even has them on his scrub cap.''_ – Amelia chuckled at how excited Alison seemed about seeing the ferry boats for the first time. _''Maybe he could take you to ride one some time.''_

Alison looked at Amelia confused. _'' Didn't you tell me that noone knows?''  
_  
 _'' Only my mom and Addison know you exist. I never dared to tell Derek before. But I want to.''  
_  
 _''Who's Addison?''_ – Alison asked.

 _''She's Derek's ex-wife. She was always like a sister to me. The best one I have. I lived and worked with her when I was in LA. I think you'll love her.''_ – Amelia asnwered and continued – _''But...well...they're not the only ones that know about you... Last night I was at the meeting and I was struggling, so I talked and I told them about you. Richard was there...''  
_  
 _''And who is Richard?''  
_  
 _''Dr. Webber.''_ – Amelia looked at Alison, afraid of her reaction.

 _''Oh.''_ – was the only thing Alison could mouth.

She didn't know what to think about the fact that people will find out who she really is. It was hard enough to earn respect and to live with all the staring and gossiping in the hospital, because she was younger.  
What would it be like if people knew she was a Shepherd? She was struggling with that thought, not knowing whether to be mad at Amelia for telling the truth or to be happy because she's not running from it.  
Last few hours were so easy when they were alone, away from the people that know them. But, it seemed to get way more complicated when they had to include other people. And Alison felt like she still wasn't ready for everyone to know.

24 hours later...

Amelia's shift began only few hours ago and her day was already a nightmare. It wasn't only her that was having it rough. Everybody seemed to struggle from the very morning, like the hospital halls were cursed or something. Whatever it was, there was definetely something in the air driving people to the edge that morning.

After finishing her rounds Amelia tried to look for Alison, but the girl was nowhere to be found. Either they were missing each other in just passing by or Alison was avoiding contact with Amelia. It was pretty obvious which of the two it was, but Amelia didn't want to accept it.

Just when it seemed they started to make some kind of bond and a relationship Alison suddenly backed off. Maybe it was fear of everybody finding out and she wasn't ready for that. And Amelia jumped to the conclusion that it was ok to talk about it, but now she was sure she might have made a huge mistake and scared her daughter off. All those thoughts made her crazy and she again, for the hundredth time in her life, started feeling like a failure.

To distract herself she decided to update few of her patient's charts. When she found the changes that were made in the course of treatment on some of her patients, her building anxiety turned into pure rage in a second. She couldn't believe Derek was so disrespectful of her position. It wasn't her fault he decided not to go to DC, but she was now the head of the department, not him and she expected at least a little respect and support from her own brother.

She jumped from her office desk like she was burned and went to find Derek. As she approached the nurses station she could hear Arizona, Derek and Jackson arguing about some meeting and Jackson putting it to end by saying that the meeting would be happening no matter what. Luckily for Arizona and Jackson, they were too busy to stick around so when she came closer to Derek he was alone.

 _''Derek!''_ – she exclamied in a higher voice than usual _– ''Why is it that I find a changed course of treatment in tha charts of MY patients? You can't just go around writing orders on my patients!''_

 _''I'm doing my job.''_ – Derek said with a smug on his face that irritated Amelia even more.

 _''No. You're doing my job. I am chief of neurosurgery. If you have a problem with that you should take it up with the board. Until then...I will call you when I need you.''_ – she finished with a more calm voice and marched through the hall.

xxxxxxxx

Alison wasn't in a specificly great mood since Amelia told her about Richard knowing everything and since her shift has started she successfully avoided both of them. She didn't think she would be mad about it, but it made her feel vulnerable and extremely uncomfortable, and those feelings brought back some of the anger she tried to bury. Last few days were overwhelming and she just needed some time to process.

As Zack and her were following Dr. Edwards around, there just wasn't a way to not listen on her and Dr. Bailey's conversation. Alison caught something about Edwards moving Dr. Bailey's surgeries for her to prepare for some kind of presentation to the board later that day.

 _''Look, Edwards...''_ – Bailey stopped walking and continued talking – _''I'm going to walk in there and tell the truth. I deserve this. And if any one of them has the misguided impression that there is any choice at all in this matter I will send that person on the righteous path before he or she can reveal him or herself as a moron!''_ – she finished with pleasure.

Edwards couldn't help but smile and she nodded approvingly. Then Bailey's pager started buzzing.

 _''Ohh, pile up on a I5, trauma coming in.''_ – Bailey informed _– '' Hey, why are they paging me? Isn't Grey on the pit today?''_

Edwards just shrugged her shoulders and turned to Zack and Alison – _''Mitchell, Jean! Why are you just standing? Move! Big trauma is coming.''_

With that, the three of them headed after Bailey to the ER.

They got there at the same time as Dr. Webber and Dr. Pierce. They looked very awkward to Alison, but she couldn't concentrate on what was going on between them. She was too focused on hiding from Dr. Webber's sight. Not for long, though.

When the crowd around the patient, trying to photograph him, got their attention they couldn't believe what they saw. A tree branch was penetrating the patient's abdomen and got him stuck in his driver's seat. Alison's eyes were wide open, as she murmured – _''How did he survive that?!''  
_  
 _''Let's go people. This is the ER, not some tv show. Move away from the patient!''_ – Bailey jumped into the crowd, followed by Pierce, Edwards, Zack and Alison.

 _''We need to stabilze him fast. His airway is in danger.''_ – Pierce shouted. Then the man started coughing blood and they knew there was no time to lose. She ordered – _''Intubation tube! I'll need to go nasaly.''_

As they worked on the poor man trying to stabilize him, the technicians were cuting parts of the branch and the car seat. Alison was busy herself, with the IV line.

 _''Okay. BP's coming down. Great work everybody. Let's get this man into the OR.''  
_  
 _''Jean, Mitchell. Run and get ready the OR1. You can observe.''_ – Edwards said.

They nodded and did what they were told. As much as Alison was excited for the opportunity to observe such an extraordinary surgery she dreaded the hours she had to spent in the same room with Dr. Webber.

At the same time the drama was happening in the trauma room 2 with the Shepherd's crashing heads again. Derek continued to step the boundries with his sister.

 _''ABC intact.''_ – Kepner tried to stop the bickering and get their attention.

Derek pushed Amelia of the way and began assesing the patient's head injury.  
 _''He's got a depressed skull fracture. It's pretty deep. We'll need to do the CT and, considering the position, an angio.''  
_  
 _''I can make that decision if you give me room to look.''_ – Amelia tried to push back.

 _''I don't think he's going to make it and it's going to be ugly, so let me do it.''_ – Derek told quietly with conviction.

 _''Ahh...because only you can save him now? Screw you! I've got him''_ – Amelia snapped. She couldn't tolerate her brother interfering anymore.

 _''Maybe you can both have him. You know...like a team or a family.''_ – Kepner tried to save the situation.

Amelia had enough and said – _''I have him. Let's get him to CT. Kepner, you'll assist.''  
_  
She pushed Derek out of the way. Her day was getting better and better. She hoped to see Alison at least from the distance in the ER, just to make sure she was okay. But she wasn't there or she missed her again. She was pissed at Derek and his atitude. Everything was just great.

As the day went on, the tension in the hospital was getting dangerously high. Callie and Owen were screaming at each other in the hallway even more than Derek and Amelia were, Arizona overwhelmed and streched on so many sides, Kepner in the middle of the Shepherd's clash, Bailey angry because Meredith wasn't at her job so she had to do it instead, Webber didn't know how to tell Maggie the truth and Maggie herself was devestated because her sister rejected her existence.

After Amelia finished the surgery she had yet another verbal duel with Derek. She couldn't believe how full of himself he was, or better said, full of shit. She could remember more clearly why she decided all those years ago not to tell him about Alison and with the way he acted he didn't even deserve to know. Not then, and not now. He always tried to point out how much better he was than her and Amelia was sick of living in his shadow.

But even then Derek wasn't done. When he saw the scans of the patient taken after the surgery he decided once more to step over his sister. Behind her back he took the patient into another surgery and forced Kepner to assist him.

Amelia was more than furious when she found out and rushed to the OR, but when she got there it was too late. The patient was already lost and she wasn't even able to look at her brother. That's how enraged she was. After the patient was taken from the OR she stayed to do the op-note when Derek came in again.

 _''What?''_ – she asked shortly.

 _''I'll do the op-note if you want.''_ – he said bluntly.

 _''You're going to steal this part too?''_ – Amelia stared at the papers.

 _''Stealing? No. I'm just...trying to help. He was a lost cause.''_ – Derek tried to justify himself.

 _''Whatever he was or wasn't, he was my responsibility and I didn't need your help. And I don't need any more of your bullying.''_ \- she told him matter-of-factly.

 _''Bullying. I am trying to be nice...''_

 _''Look, I get it.''_ – Amelia interrupted him – _''You were king of all neurosurgeonts, right hand to the president and now you can't have that, so you have to be the king of the hospital.''  
_  
 _''You of all the people should understand that this was the future of neuroscience. This is what we would've dreamt of in med school if we thought it was even possible to be done.''_ – Derek tried again to explain.

 _''Then you shouldn't have given it up. But the least you can do is to stop stomping around, punishing people for a choice you made.''_ – Amelia stared at him with so much frustration.

 _''I didn't make a choice. Meredith made a choice and backed me into a corner. And because I love my kids and I love my wife and I only want to do what's best for her. I do. I want to give her everything.''_ \- he stopped and sighed bitterly – _'' But something like this will not come again. This is it. This is as high as I go. I have never taken a step back in my career, EVER. I've never felt like this before and I feel like she forced me.''_

 _''Okay, well I know the feeling, because it is happening to me right now.''_ \- she was screaming at him.

 _''I'm not...I'm not trying...''_ – he stuttered.

 _''I know you're not trying to, but you are Derek. You are doing it to me.''_ – Amelia was on a roll now and couldn't stop herself talking even if she wanted to – _'' And Meredith...You say you want her to have everything, but not if it interferes with you having your everything and it is not fair. And I am saying NO, too. Because you have to live with the choices you make!''_ – she exclamed.

 _''I am trying to. I...am trying.''_ – Derek frowned, tired of the fight.

 _''I know...We're all trying.''_ – then she turned him her back and finished more calmly – _'' It's just noone wants to give up or give in...and noone should. Right?''_

Oh and was she trying to. Every day Amelia was battling her inner war against all the regret and guilt because of the choices she made. Drugs, alcohol, pushing everyone who was ever close to her away, giving away her baby, relapsing and losing Ryan and her brainless baby boy, running from everything that scared her and hurting so many people in that process.

Amelia was fighting hard to live with so much guilt and when she finally started thinking that maybe, just maybe everything would work out somehow, everything started to complicate again. She just couldn't catch a break. And she didn't even want to admit to herself how much Alison's avoidance hurt her. But on the other hand, she couldn't imagine in how much pain Alison was, not just now, but over all those years.  
And Amelia knew that she was the only one to blame for everything, her choice led to all that pain.

Yes, she was trying really hard to live with the choices she made!

 **A/N: Thanks again for sticking with me. Please review if you have time. I would really, really appreciate it.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

The surgery on the patient that had a tree branch penetrating his abdomen went very well. Pierce was able to avoid heart failure after repairing the pericardium, and Webber and Bailey did the splenectomy, diaphragm repair and stopped all the bleedings. The patient was stable and everone was very optimistic about his recovery.

Alison was amazed by everything she saw and learned during the surgery and she couldn't help but admire greatly her superiors. Even though at first she wasn't so eagar to spend that many hours in the same room with Dr. Webber, she had to admit she enjoyed every minute and didn't mind the pain in her back after standing for so long.

Half way through Alison even managed to forget about everything that was happening outside that little bubble in the OR. She felt so lost in the situation with Amelia. She was torn between so many intense emotions.  
When she first decided to come to Seattle to find and confront Amelia it was because she was looking for some kind of closure. All she wanted was the truth about why she was given away, she needed the confirmation that it wasn't her fault. It was irrational to think that it could be her fault, but she needed to hear it.

For years Alison suffered and terribly missed her mother, but at some point it got a little easier. Maybe it was because of Nana, David and her brothers and sisters and maybe it was just time doing its thing and making people forget, but it got easier. Of course, that didn't mean she forgot or forgave her mother. The pain was always there, but she thought she didn't need a mother anymore.

So she came to Seattle to look for answers and not for her mother.

And now when she had her answers she was torn. She found herself needing Amelia. That discovery scared the hell out of her. Alison knew she couldn't afford to be left and hurt so deeply again. It would destroy her. But at the same time she felt a strong pull towards Amelia, she wanted to get to know her. So she did, and she found herself feeling sad about Amelia's past and she didn't even know the half of it. It made her sympathize a little.  
And those feelings made her anger surface again, but this time she was angry at herself for letting it get to her like that. She couldn't believe that her defence wall was down so fast and that she started to love Amelia after only few days. So yeah, Alison was in total and complete mess. Her emotions going form high to low in a matter of seconds, just like her mood.

By the time the surgery was over her shift was over too, so she went ahead in the locker room to change and hopefully get out of the hospital without being seen. After getting out of the elevator Alison bumped into Richard.

 _''Good evening, Dr. Webber.''_ – she said politely, avoiding his eyes.

 _''Good evening, Little Shepherd!''_ – he answered quietly with a half smile on his face.

Alison froze when she heard how he named her and then she quickly turned to face him. Mix of emotions showing on her face, from shock to rage.

 _'' It's Jean, sir.''_ – she looked away and added – _''Now, would you excuse me...''  
_  
 _''Don't do that to yourself. Avoiding her or me for knowing won't change a thing. It won't make everything disappear.''_ – Richard said softly trying to stop her.

 _''With all due respect, sir, I wasn't looking for advice.''_ – Alison hated feeling this vulnerable in front of someone.

 _''I know you weren't, but you need one. Believe me I can understand what you're going through and I know it's not easy to face what's going on.''_ \- he paused for a second – _'' She loves you and wants what's best for you. That's the reason she did what she did. And that's the reason why she won't pressure you now. She'll give you space even if it's killing her inside. So approach her. You can't deal with this alone...and she's your mother...''_ – he said with so much concern in his voice. It almost sounded like a plee and a fatherly advice in the same time. Alison wondered if he did that with everyone, but for some reason she believed him.

 _''I'm not sure I can do that.''_ – Alison sttutered – _''I came here for answers. I grew up without a mother and I think I don't need one now.''  
_  
Richard could see the struggle behind her eyes. He could see how much she wanted to believe that what she just said was true, but it wasn't and he knew that.  
 _''You and I both know that isn't true. Don't be scared to admit it. You need her. And let me tell you something...She needs you too.''_ – he looked at her with compassion, hoping he opened her eyes enough to see the truth.

 _''Everything is happening so fast...I don't know what I think or what I feel anymore. I want to run, but at the same time I want to stay.''_ – Alison sighed desperately.

 _'' She's in her office I think and from what I've heard she had a horrible day. Now go and tell her what you told me. It'll get better...''_ – he smiled at her and started walking away when he added _– ''See you around, Little Shepherd.''  
_  
Little smile escaped on Alison's face _– ''Sir?''  
_  
He turned around slightly and she continued – _''Please don't tell anyone... Not yet.''  
_  
He just nodded and walked away leaving Alison with a lot to think about.  
But she had enough of analyzing every little detail. Before she could change her mind she started running to Amelia's office.

Alison took few deep breaths before she knocked on the door. No answer. She waited few seconds and knocked again a bit louder.

 _''I'm busy at the moment.''_ – the shaky voice behind the door answered – _''If it's urgent page me.''_

Alison sighed. From Amelia's voice it sounded she really had a tough day and that she was recently crying and trying to compose herself. For a second she just stood in front of the door, not knowing what to do, to go away or insist.

 _''It's me. Can we talk?''_ – Alison said weakly.

Few moments later she heard Amelia walking and unlocking the door, so she stepped inside and before even looking at Amelia she started talking.

 _''You cought me by surprise when you told me Dr. Webber knows.''_ – she paused and swallowed hard before she mouthed _– ''I got scared.''  
_  
Amelia finally turned to face Alison. Her eyes red from crying and her whole posture tense.  
 _''I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to scare you. I thought...''_ – she started explaining, but Alison interrupted.

 _''No. I'm sorry for avoiding you. It was childish. All you did was tell the truth, you didn't deserve that. So, I'm sorry.''_ – Alison tried to sound rational and mature, but she really felt like a little child who made a mess and was trying to apologize to it's parent.

 _''Hey, it's okay. I jumped to the conclusion that it wasn't too early to tell everyone. I made a mistake. I'm sorry.''_ – Amelia frowned even more.

They stood there in silence for some time, just looking at each other, both trying to figure out what was the next step.  
Alison broke the silence _– ''When I get scared I have a terrible habit of running away as far as I can from the thing that makes me scared.''  
_  
Amelia smirked at Alison's confession.  
 _''Hmm... Genes are curious little things, ha? Who would've thought...''  
_  
Now Alison was completely confused.  
 _''You lost me now.''  
_  
Amelia started laughing – _''What I wanted to say was...''_ – she paused – _''Like mother like daughter.''_

Alison grinned at Amelia and went in for a hug. They both sighed in relief at the same time, then started laughing.  
Still hugging her, Amelia whispered in Alison's ear _– ''We're both runners, but maybe we could try something knew?''  
_  
 _''What?''_ – Alison inquired.

 _'' Instead or running away from each other, maybe we could run together from now on?''  
_  
 _''I think we could try and do that.''_ – Alison smiled and then backed away from the hug _– ''But can we run slow for a while, maybe jog or fast walk or something like that?''_ – she rambled.

 _''I think we've taken the metaphore as far as it can go.''_ – Amelia laughed – _''But yeah, I get you. Let's get to know each other and hang out, just you and me, no rushing. We're not going anywhere now, right?''  
_  
Alison knew what was Amelia asking and said _\- ''I'm not going anywhere.''  
_  
 _''Neither am I.''_ – Amelia smiled, kissed her daughter's forehead and hugged her tightly.

 _''And I talked to Dr. Webber.''_ – Alison suddenly said and Amelia raised her brow in question - _''He won't say anything before we do.''  
_  
 _''Even if he wanted to, he couldn't.''_ – Amelia smirked, leaving Alison in confusion again. _''The stuff we share in AA is a secret and he can't talk about it outside the meeting, or at least that's a rule.''_ – she explained.

 _''Ohh, I totally forgot about that fact.''_ – Alison felt slightly embarrassed.

Amelia chuckled at seeing Alison's embarrassment for not remembering something.  
 _''Between the two of us, it's totally okay for you to just be a teenager. Let me be a grown up and be embarrassed for not knowing something.''  
_  
 _''Believe me, you don't want to deal with 'the teenager me' for now.''_ – she paused and smiled – _''And you know what else happened?''  
_  
 _''What?''_ – Amelia asked.

 _''Dr. Webber called me Little Shepherd.''_ – Alison exclaimed with a smirk on her face.

Amelia chuckled and for some reason felt pride. _''It suits you well, MY Little Shepherd.''  
_  
 _''Well...it's not that bad''_ – Alison laughed – _''But for now, let's stick with Dr. Jean in public and Alison or Ali between us.''_

Amelia nodded with understanding. She didn't even want to mention that Alison didn't call her anything other than Dr. Shepherd and when they were alone she would avoid having to call her anyhow. She craved for Alison calling her 'mom', but she knew that it was way too early for that.

 **A/N: I tried to be more focused on Alison's feelings in this chapter, because I think it's important to show that even though she's starting to love Amelia and except her as a person and maybe a mother in the future, she still struggles with the anger and resentment for being given away.**

 **Thank you so much for reading!  
Please review and let me know what you think. I love reading your thoughts.**

 **P.S. to my guest reader Patsy – I love how involved in the story you are. And don't worry, Meredith and Derek won't break up, but every story needs a little drama. ;) Thank you for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

 **A/N: Hi guys, sorry for the long wait. I needed some time away, but I'm back now. This chapter follows the events of the third episode of season 11. I struggled a little with it, because there's a lot going on and a lot of very important dialogues. It's a bit slow because of the dialogues, but please bear with me. Thank you for reading and for your reviews.**

Two months have seemed to pass much faster than the first few days after Alison's arrival in Seattle. Amelia and Alison were becoming closer every single day. Sometimes it was still akward, because Alison couldn't make herself to call Amelia by name or anything other than that. 'Mom' was definetely still out of the question. As close as they've become it was far from a mother-daughter relationship, but slowly, step by step, they were on a good path to get there. Alison was getting used to her new routine, new people and a new city. Between hospital, studying, spending time with Amelia and talking with her family she didn't have a lot of free time. But when she did she played tennis in the club. She even made Zack go with her once. He was a terrible player and Alison teased him that he made a great choice by choosing medicine instead of sports. Alison on the other hand was a great player. She started playing when she was 8 and found it was a great stress reliever. So when she felt anxiety and anger building she would leave whatever she was doing and went to the tennis court. It was some kind of terapy for her and she loved it.

Most of the time spent together in the hospital Amelia and Alison were very professional. Even though Amelia sometimes felt like she wanted to scream in front of everyone that Alison was her baby, she knew she couldn't and decided to wait as long as it was needed. On a daily bases she could find a reason to be proud of Alison. The girl had an exceptional talent for surgery and a great sense of how to talk and deal with patients. Everybody, even Derek who was convinced on Alison's first day that the internship and the competition would eat her alive, had noting else to say about Alison, but to praise her.

Alison herself was a little disappointed when Dr. Robbins started her fellowship in fetal surgery with Dr. Herman. She spent almost two weeks working on peds with Arizona and felt like she was learning more then ever in her life. Dr. Karev took over. He was a great peds surgeon, but as a teacher Alison hated him.

In the past two months a lot has happened and gossips were flying around the hospital. The worst ones were about Arizona and Callie splitting up and about Maggie being Webber's and Elis Grey's daughter. Maggie still refused to talk with Richard, but her and Meredith were even becoming friends. Other news were that Dr. Kepner was pregnant and that Derek and Meredith were acting more polite to each other. Their fights were temporarily replaced with sex time-outs.

Rainy monday mornings were always the worst. When Alison's shift started the ER was already packed with patients. Zack wasn't feeling very well so she was even more busy than usual. Around 10am ambulance arrived, bringing an old couple. They were in a fire and the husband took his wife and jumped through the window trying to save her. Paramedics couldn't find her pulse, but the husband wouldn't let her go. When they arrived in the ER Meredith was able to find a very weak pulse of the wife, so Owen, Maggie and Amelia went to take care of the wife and Meredith, April and Callie stayed with the husband.

 _''Good tube placement. Yeah...haemo pneumothorax is bigger. Edwards prep for the chest tube.''_ – Pierce said while looking at the scans.

 _''Before you do that, Edwards can you check the CT again and see when they can take us.''_ – Amelia inquired in a hurry.

 _''But, she's bleeding in her lung...''_ – Hunt jumped in.

 _''I know, but I felt a pressed temporal bone fracture and she has the spinal fluid coming out of her ear, and I need a CT to confirm.''_ – Amelia answered matter-of-factly.

Hunt just nodded in approval when Kepner walked in the trauma room.

 _''I'm on my way up to radiology. Is anyone free to update the family?''_

 _''I can do it.''_ – Amelia said and took off the gloves before heading out in the waiting room to search for the family members.

 _''Sarah...what are you doing here?''_ – Amelia was genuinely surprised to see Sarah outside the meetings.

 _''Amelia? You're...a doctor?!''_ – Sarah wasn't surprised, she was rather shocked how could somehow as screwed up as Amelia be a doctor.

 _''Yeah, I am...yeah...''_ – Amelia stumbled upon the words and felt pretty uncomfortable. She was trying very hard to keep her battle with addiction as far as possible from her job or people she loved. She was ashamed of that part of her life.

 _''My parents...they were in a fire.''_ \- Sarah started crying.

 _''Oh God! Okay...umm... This is what we know so far. Your father has some internal injuries and a leg fracture. Your mom has a bleeding into her lung and a cranial fracture. As her neurosurgeon I'm going to need to do some surgery to...''_ \- Amelia explained, but then was interrupted.

 _''Wait... You want to do surgery on my mom? No...noo...I'm sorry, but no...No...''_ -Sarah became histerical and turned to the nurses station _– ''Excuse me. I'm going to need a different doctor...''_

 _''Sarah...''_ – Amelia said softly, not knowing what to say or how to act.

 _''She cannot touch my mother. I need a different doctor right now!''_ – Sarah was yelling at that point, drawing more and more attention.

 _''Okay, calm down.''_ – Amelia tried desperately to calm her, because people were starting to notice and she was afraid what Sarah could say.

 _''No, I want another doctor!''_ – Sarah yelled so loud that there wasn't a person in the whole ER who didn't hear that. Everybody turned and looked at two women. Pierce, Grey, Torres, Edwards, Derek...All eyes and ears were on them. Amelia was aware of everyone listening, but she cared the most for one pair of ears and what they would hear. Alison was there and Amelia could feel her staring.

 _''What's the problem?''_ – Hunt intervened with an intention to calm down the situation.

 _''She cannot touch my mother. She's a drug addict. I can't have her operate on my parents.''_ – Sarah yelled and it seemed like everything and everyone were just frozen. Amelia couldn't believe what she was hearing. She felt sick and couldn't move a muscle.  
 _''Hold it! Dr. Shepherd...''_ – Hunt tried to speak, but was interrupted by Sarah yelling for everyone to hear.

 _''Is a junky. I met her in NA. She's hooked on oxy. She overdosed with her boyfriend and woke up with him dead in bed with her. I want another doctor. NOW! You keep her away from them!''_

Shock was written over everyone's face, while Amelia's was just blank. She stood there trying really hard not to cry and to act professionaly, but on the inside she was breaking. Her secret was out in the open. Even though she knew that eventually people would find out, but not like that. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. Hunt looked at her expecting her to say something, but after few seconds of silence Derek stepped between them.

 _''Hunt don't worry. I've got this.''_ – Derek said and looked at Amelia with disgust before heading to the trauma room.

Alison stood there shocked like every other person who heard the women screaming at and about Amelia. She knew about Amelia's addiction, but apparently she didn't know everything. For a minute she found herself unable to move or talk. Her mind was running 200 miles per hour trying to figure out was that woman talking about her father or somebody else. Her father fell asleep and never woke up, but at that time Amelia was in the hospital, so it couldn't be about him. Either it was somebody else that Amelia never mentioned or the whole story was a lie. She saw the disgusted look Amelia recieved from Derek and could see her back off in defeat, utterly shocked about what was said.

Amelia was passing through the hallway and everybody was staring, whispering and pointing fingers at her. She felt humiliated, angry, sad, afraid, weak, and all at the same time. Cloud of heaviness following her at each step she took. Avoiding eye contact with everyone made her feel even worse. And on top of that, her heart was breaking for Alison. She was there, she heard everything. She didn't know about Ryan, and it was thrown in her face in that way. Amelia was still waiting for the moment to tell her. She wanted to make it easier to take in somehow, if it was even possible. Screaming Sarah for sure didn't make it easier. And all of a sudden everything felt more real and painful.

Amelia walked to Webber, who was standing at the nurses station, and said with the smallest voice _– ''I need to talk to you.''_

They walked in the examination room and the moment Richard closed the door Amelia fell apart.  
 _''She just said it. In front of everyone. All this stuff that I said at the meetings about...''_ – tears were already falling when she remembered Ryan and she couldn't even finish her sentence.

''It's okay.'' – Richard said with a soothing voice, trying to calm her.

 _''How is it okay? Everyone is looking at me.''_

 _''Are you sober?''_ – he asked firmly.

 _''Of course I am.''_ – Amelia said without even thinking. That wasn't the point. Of course she was sober. She would never do anything to destroy her life again and the new-found relationship with Alison.

 _''Did you disclose your recovery when you were hired?''_ – Richard continued with the questioning.

 _''I didn't have to. Derek hired me. He knew. I assumed people knew...''_ – tears were chocking her.

 _''And you've done nothing wrong! Okay?''_ – he gently raised her chin, so he could look her in the eyes _– '' She did! She violated your privacy and you are under no obligation to tell anyone anything more, unless you've done something to compromise your ability to do you job. And you haven't. So you don't need to say anything about it.''_

 _''Okay...''_ – she whispered.

 _''Those are your rights. It's the past and you don't have to defend it!''_ – Richard gave her the meaningful look.

 _''I thought I got away from it. I thought I had a chance for a new life... With Alison... But you never get away from it...''_

 _''No. No, you don't.''_

Amelia nodded with tears in her eyes _– ''What do I do now?''_

 _''You just stay on track. You look after yourself. Do your job. And as soon as you can you need to get to a meeting.''_ – he said with the chiefly tone – _''And Amelia...talk to Alison. I'm sure she'll understand.''_

In the meantime, Alison was trying hard to concentrate, but failed miserably. She was wondering how Amelia could keep all that a secret. They made a deal to be honest with each other two months ago and Amelia already broke it. She technically didn't lie, but for Alison this was even bigger then a lie. Amelia never mentioning the dead boyfriend or her relapsing hurt Alison very much. The two of them were on a good path and Alison started to trust her. After being abandoned at least what she deserved was the truth, tho whole truth, not just half of it. In a way, Alison felt betrayed and didn't know if the trust, that was building for two months, could survive such a hard blow.

Amelia was writing on the surgical board, trying not to listen the whispers when Owen approached her.

 _''Dr. Shepherd...umm...can we go somewhere private to talk?''_ – he felt very akward.

 _''I'm busy right now, actually.''_ – Amelia said without looking at him.

 _''This is important.''_ – he paused and came closer to avoid anyone eevesdropping – _''Listen. Is there anything you want to tell me to...clear this up?''_

 _''I don't...I think you heard all the facts...''_ – she answered with a cold and distant voice.

 _''What I heard was a very distrout woman shouting and I think there's another side to the story.''_ – Owen tried to push her to talk.

 _''A woman requested another doctor and I was removed from the case. That is her right. People have rights...''_ – Amelia started rambling to distract him, but Owen interrupted.

 _''Listen. I am just trying to have a conversation...''_

 _''That is none of your bussiness. If I'm doing my job...''_ – she paused and looked at him questioning – _''Am I doing my job?''_

 _''Amelia, I am trying to help you here.''_ – Owen wasn't giving up.

 _''I just...''_ – she paused, looked down then looked him right in the eyes – _''I don't have to dicuss this with you.''_

 _''And that's your answer?''_ – he was irritated.

 _''That's my right.''_ – Amelia answered with that cold tone again.

Owen sighed heavily, said _– ''Okay.''_ , turned around and left.

After that very tense conversation with Owen, Amelia decided to hide for the rest of the day in a scan room and busy herself with her cases. It was easier to try to save other people's lives than to battle with herself. But the distraction didn't work as well as she hoped it would. Thinking about all the explaining she owed to Alison made her even more nervous. There wasn't and easier way to tell the story after all. But she didn't know where to begin or would Alison give her the chance to say anything. Yet again she found herself asking how is it possible that everything is great in one moment and then in the next one everything is totally screwed up and awful.

Derek got in the room breathless and without knocking, relieved he found his sister. Amelia's thoughts were interrupted and before she was able to say anything Derek asked _\- ''Did Owen talked to you?''_

 _''I didn't tell him anything''_ \- Amelia answered looking for any kind of support in her brother's eyes.

 _''Did he tell you about your job?''_ – he continued.

 _''He's saying he's going to take my job?''_ – she exclaimed with a panic on her face _– '' Derek, talk to him!''_

 _''I did...I did already.''_ – he sighed heaviliy – _'' I think I might of given him the idea.''_

 _''Derek...noo...''_ – tears were collecting again in her eyes.

 _''I didn't mean to...I'm sorry. I'm going to fix it.''_ – Derek tried to explain himself.

 _''He wants to give you my job and you're going to let him!''_ – Amelia was shocked with her brother.

 _''No, I'm not!''_ – was his defence.

 _''You son of a bitch. You kept me here. You asked me to come. You asked me to stay. I was building a life. A new life. A second chance that I have given to MYSELF. Just so you could feel better about leaving.''_ – Amelia couldn't keep it together anymore.

 _''I was trying to help you and I was trying to help myself. I'm just trying...''_ – Derek stuttered, knowing he would be the one to blame if the board takes Amelia's job.

 _''And you gave me this job and you have abused me since the second I took it, but that is not enough. You need to destroy my entire career. How can you do this to me?''_ – she was yelling at him, devestated that her own brother was capable of doing that to her.

 _'' TO ME?''_ – Amelia repeated in disbelief.

 _''I will fix it. I will talk to them.''_ – he chocked a bit a continued _– '' I will talk to all of them and I WILL FIX IT.''  
_  
 _''How can you do this? You're my brother...''_ – was all that Amelia could say.

Derek frowned, nodded and rushed out, leaving his sister shocked. Amelia couldn't believe her brother could do that to her. He was suposed to protect her. From everyone and everything. And yet again, he failed. She felt betrayed. Her big brother betrayed her trust. She looked up to him her whole life and he was doing this to her. It would be probably a lot easier to take the blow in the gut then that. Amelia was so hurt. She needed someone. Someone to talk to, who would understand her. Not just her addiction like Richard, but her as a person. She thought of calling Addison, but quickly threw that idea out of the way. Addison would fly to Seattle that second and asked all the questions Amelia couldn't answer in that moment. She needed someone who would just listen, without questions and judgement.

The first person she could think of was Meredith. So Amelia found the courage to walk the hallways again and to find Meredith.

 _''It was just a misunderstanding. He'll take care of it. He said that he would.'' –_ Meredith tried to comfort Amelia.

 _''He did this Meredith. Why should I beleive that? Why do you believe it?''_ – Amelia questioned, sincerely interested to hear the answer.

 _''Because he's your brother.''_

Amelia sighed _– ''That's why he can do it. That's why he could steal my toys and pull my hair and call me names...because I'm family. That's why he thinks he can get away with it. You don't get it...''_

 _''No, I don't. I was raised as an only child. And I am historically loussy at being a sister.''_ – Meredith said with a half smile.

After few moments of silence Amelia looked at her and said softly - _''You're here right now. It's good enough.''_

As that terrible, terrible day for both Alison and Amelia was nearing to its end, Alison heard the nurses gossiping about some urgent board meeting that would supposedly took place in an hour. It wasn't hard to assume that the reason for the meeting was Amelia's situation. As she was listening the nurses and doctors whispering about Amelia, Alison felt sad for the first time since everything happened in the morning. The anger was consuming her every minute of the day, but in that moment, when she realised that it was her mother everyone was whispering about the anger subsided a little and she felt the urge to find Amelia.

An hour later, at the board meeting Meredith, Torres, Avery, Hunt, Bailey and Webber were all there, just deciding not to wait for Robbins when Derek came in and started speaking.

 _''I know you're trying to figure out what's going on. I know you heard some stories...about...Amelia. I let you believe something. I let you believe that...''_ – Derek was struggling with the words.

 _''Shepherd, you were pretty clear when we spoke, so...''_ – Hunt jumped in.

 _''She's in recovery. She works really hard and she's been successfull and...''_ – he paused and shook his head in disbelief at what he has done – _''This hospital should have protected her. This woman should've protected her. And...more importantly...I should've protected her!''_ – he sighed and continued – _''I didn't. And I didn't because I wanted her job. I wanted my old job back. So now we're here. My fault.''_

 _''Derek, why did you even...'' –_ Meredith couldn't believe what she was hearing.

 _''She should stay where she is, Owen. She can do this job. She IS doing the job. I couldn't do it any better.''_

 **A/N: I hope to hear your thoughts. Do you think Alison should be very angry at Amelia for not telling her everything or should she try to be Amelia's rock in this terrible situation?  
I know Derek's an ass, but he has to be for now to keep the storyline going.  
And again, thank you very much for reading. Your reviews and views keep me motivated.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

 **** **A/N: I want to correct myself, chapter 15 follows the events from episode 7 of season 11, not episode 3 as I said in my previous note.**

 **And again, I'm very sorry for keeping you waiting for so long. I owed you one long and eventful chapter, so here it is. I hope you like it and leave a comment. Your reviews are the best thing! Thank you for reading.**

Alison knocked on the office door. She waited few seconds for the answer, but recieved nothing. No movement behind the door, no sound, absolutely nothing. She knocked again and again and again. Amelia obviously wasn't in there, but Alison wasn't about to give up. She desperately needed to see Amelia. Just to see her and to know that she's doing okay. Then she could go back to being angry. But something was bugging her and making her worried. Amelia was supposed to be on-call and she wasn't answering Alison's pages nor she was in her office. All kinds of bad thoughts came to Alison's mind as she was still standing in front of the door. Fear for the worse crept in her bones and she started shaking nervously. Tears started collecting in her eyes at the thought that Amelia might have relapsed and she spent the day angry and resentful instead of trying to understand. Now Alison was angry at herself because she thought before that she deserved to be selfish. But while she was standing there, worried sick, she couldn't stop those tears from falling. What if something happened to Amelia?

After ten minutes of non-stop knocking at the door she tried calling Amelia's phone, but her calls went straight to voicemail. At that point Alison was panicking. What if Amelia lost her job and ran away? What if she left Seattle? What if she left her again? – all those questions were going through her head as she was wondering the hallways aimlessly.

 _''Dr. Webber, please tell me you know where she is.''_ – Alison asked desperately _. ''I can't find her. She's not answering my pages or my phone calls.''_

 _''She didn't talk to you at all today?''_ – Richard was genuinely surprised. He thought he convinced Amelia to sort everything out with Alison.

 _''No. And I'm worried sick. Did she say something to you?''_

 _''Umm...well, we did talk and I've told her to get to a meeting as soon as possible and to talk to you. She was devestated and heartbroken because you witnessed all the mess. I tried to convince her that you would understand...''_ – Richard answered with a slight tone of worry in his voice.

Alison looked down, embaressed how quick to judge she was. In the middle of that situation Amelia was still thinking and worrying about her. And all she did was being angry and resentful, not understandig at all. Plain selfish and wrong.  
 _''I don't know where to look for her. What if she relapses because of this...because of me?''_ – Alison said barely louder than a whisper.

 _''She's strong, Alison. She's been through a lot worse than this and she has survived.''_ – he tried to comfort her, but he wasn't lying. It was all true. Amelia's been through hell and back and she survived.

 _''I'm such a horrible person...and daughter.''_ – Alison frowned as her cheeks were turning red after the confession.

 _''Hey, don't do that to yourself. Both of you are doing your best.''_ – he offered her a smile and added – _''And Alison...maybe she just needs some space.''_

 _''What if she needs a lot of space? What if she's gone? –_ terrified look on her face was evident.

 _''She's not gone. You'll see tomorrow...''_

Alison nodded and went to the on-call room, deciding she would not leave the hospital without seeing Amelia.

Amelia headed home after the extended meeting and found Derek drinking alone in the dark. It was late and she was exhausted in every possible way. Having to face or talk to her brother wasn't the plan, but avoiding him definetely was. Unfortunetely for her, he was waiting. He couldn't fall asleep without knowing she was okay and sober. His guilty conscience didn't allow him to do anything other than feel terrible for what he did.

 _''I talked to them Amy. And I'm so sorry. I really am.''_ – Derek said as Amelia walked by him heading to her room.

She wanted not to pay attention and just let him be, so he could feel all the guilt in the world. Amelia knew he deserved that, but she also knew his words were sincere.  
 _''I know you are. But I'm still so mad. What you did was...''_

 _''It was wrong.''_ – he interrupted her _. '' Everything I've been doing in these past two months is wrong. I'm angry all the time and I can't control it. Everything I do is hurting the people I love the most. I just...I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what to do.''_

Amelia recognized that broken and lost look on her brother's face. She was very familiar with it. After seeing it so many times in her own reflection in the mirror she recognized it like she would an old friend.  
 _''I know how you feel.''_ – she sighed with sadness _– '' We call it rock bottom.''_

Two days have passed and Amelia still couldn't find the strength to go back to work and confront Alison and everybody else. In a way, she felt stuck. Stuck in her room, lost in her thoughts. The Dream house was as far as it could be from being a dream. Amelia barely left her room, Meredith and Derek were in a cold war while Zola was acting out because noone wanted to play with her and Bailey cried almost all the time because of the pain that first little tooth coming out was giving him. Considering the situation it was more relevant to call the house ' The Nightmare house' instead of ' The Dream house'.

On the third day Amelia couldn't find any valid reason to skip work again. As much as she dreaded it, it was time for her to suck it up and go face the world. Well, she knew she could stand the stares and whispers. After everything that happened to her, it was nothing new and she learned to handle it. But facing Alison was a completely different story. They promised they would be honest and that there would be no more running away from each other. And Amelia managed to break both promises in just one day.

The first thing that needed to be done was having a serious talk with chief Hunt and Amelia didn't know what to expect. He offered his help, but at the time she was too embaressed and proud to accept it. She didn't know the chief personally, but she heard around the hospital that he's a major in the army, too. As she thought about it, it definetely wasn't a surprise. The way he was giving orders and handling the ER was quite similar to how she imagined it would be in the army. People trusted and respected him. But she couldn't help herself. From the stories her mom, who was a marine nurse, told her about the strict rules in the army Amelia concluded she may not be given a second chance.

 _''Chief...do you have a minute?''_ – Amelia asked carefully.

 _''Dr. Shepherd, I'm glad to see you back.''_

 _''Thank you for understanding. I... I needed these few days.''_ – she said with a slight tone of shame in her voice.

Owen nodded in acknowledgement. _''Well, the board had a meeting and after that I made a decision regarding your situation and your post as a head of neuro.''_

All the color drained from Amelia's face in a second. He was definetely an army guy, quick to get to a point without hesitation, she thought.

As she was preparing herself for being fired she heard him saying _– ''You were right. You don't have to tell me anything. It's your story, your past. It's personal. And you are doing your job. That's what matters to me. So I decided to keep you as the head of neuro.''_

Amelia was left speechless just bluntly staring at the man in front of her. She was preparing herself for the worse and was already trying to figure out what would be her next move. Moving from Seattle wasn't a possibility, that much she knew. But, as his words started becoming more and more clear in her brain Amelia couldn't believe. That wasn't something she expected to hear from Hunt. Her brain needed few seconds to catch up, but as it did a wave of relief washed over her.

Without waiting for her response Owen spoke in a hurry _– ''I got to go now. See you around Dr. Shepherd.''_

He turned around and started walking away when Amelia mouthed a simple and sincere - _''Thank you.''_ He offered a smile and rushed away.

 _''Ali! Heeey, Ali... Did you hear anything I just said?_ – Zack inquired _. ''What's been up with you these last few days? You're always in your head, distracted... Are you okay?''_

Alison sighed _. ''I'm sorry Zack. I didn't catch a lot of sleep last night. I'm just tired. It'll pass.''_

 _''You don't sound very convincing. There's something more...''_

 _''Zack, please... Let's just eat.''_ – Alison was eagar to cut that conversation short.

 _''Your family is across the country and I'm your friend. You could talk to me. I'm not that bad of a listener, you know.''_ – Zack grinned.

 _''I'm not saying you are.''_ – Alison smiled for the first time in three days _– ''But, I'm fine. Really.''_

Zack still wasn't convinced. It was very well known that people usually use the phrase 'I'm fine' when they're actually not. The truth was that she didn't sleep well, but he couldn't stop wondering what was the reason. In more then two months Alison was always on-point and always the best. He never saw her distracted, but now she was. Although Zack knew she was only 18 and it could be something silly, he couldn't shake the feeling that it was something much more serious.

 _''Ouu come on, Zackarony. Stop staring! You're freaking me out.''_ – Alison finally giggled.

 _''Don't push it, Jelly Jean.''_ – Zack laughed out loud.

 _''Okay, okay...Let's stop with the nicknames. You were saying before... something about that crazy old lady...''_

 _''Yeah, yeah...You're not going to believe what she said to Dr. Bailey. It was hilarious.''_

 _''Tell me all about it...''_ – Alison said and tried again to concentrate on what Zack was telling her. It wasn't as easy as it sounded. That big brain of hers was very stubborn and wouldn't give her a break from thinking and worrying about Amelia. Those last three days were a constant struggle and everyone around here seemed to notice her distraction. Usually she was great at hiding her feelings, but this time it obviously wasn't the case. She wanted to apologize and be there for Amelia, but Amelia was nowhere to be found. She wasn't coming to work, wasn't answering her pages or phone calls. Alison was slowly becoming very desperate. She even thought about asking Dr. Webber to take her to the Shepherd house. But in the second she thought about it she pushed that idea away and the feeling of being left behind yet again kicked in. Alison then decided that there wasn't anything more she could do, but wait. Amelia must have known she was looking for her and Alison figured that was more than enough on her part.

Half an hour later, as Zack and Ali were leaving the cafeteria, Dr. Webber shouted in a hurry – _''Jean! Just the person I was looking for. Can we have a word?_

Alison nodded with confussion written all over her face. Zack got the message that it wasn't something for his ears and walked away after saying – _''I'll try to catch you for lunch.''_ \- and exusing himself.

 _''She came in this morning and was looking for you.''_ – Richard said quickly out of the blue – _''I think she was called in on a counsult, but go in her office and wait for her there.''_

Alison was cought off guard with that information and she didn't understand why Richard wanted to fix them so much. _'' Thank you, but...I don't understand something, sir.''_ – she paused and then continued _– ''Why are you trying so hard to help us?''_

He frowned a bit _. ''I'm sorry, but... I just... I wanted to see at least someone have a happy ending. I guess you know about Dr. Pierce being my daughter and, well...she's not speaking to me at all. And I wanted to help you, because for you it's still not too late to fix things.''_

Alison felt slightly overwhemled and uncomfortable after hearing that. _''Thank you.''_ – was everything she was able to get out of her own mouth.

Without even thinking what was her visit to Amelia's office implying, Alison knocked on the door for probably the hundredth time in the last few days. And again noone was there to answer. But this time the door wasn't locked, so she decided to listen to Dr. Webber's advice and wait for Amelia inside.

Sitting in the office and waiting was a real torture and Alison couldn't even get herself to sit in one place. It was nerve wrecking. She didn't think that through. Didn't know what she would say or do, but the one think she did know was that she needed to be there.  
Her thoughts were interrupted when suddenly, someone walked in the office in a rush and started speaking without giving a second look at who was actually there.

 _''Hey Amy, I'm so glad you're back. I promised you I would fix everything. And you see I did. But that's not why I'm here''_ – he paused and pulled out a scan and while looking at it he continued with his monologue _– ''I need your opinion on this tumor. I think I could maybe go nasaly without opening the cranium.''_

Only when slightly uncomfortable wiggling of the person in front of him cought Derek's eye he noticed that he wasn't talking to his sister. _''Ouu, I'm sorry...and who are you?''_

Alison felt like she was cought stealing, shocked a little with how this visit was developing. She couldn't predict Derek barging in Amelia's office like that.  
 _''I...I..''_ – she stuttered, then swallowed hard _– ''I'm just waiting for Dr. Shepherd.''_

 _''In her office?''_ – he furrowed his brow.

Instead of giving him an audible answer Alison shrugged her shoulders.

 _''Does she know you're here?''_ – Derek began rising his voice.

Again, Alison answered without a single word with just shaking her head. The words seemed to be stuck in her very constricted throat. She didn't know what could she say to him or how to explain the situation without making it worse that it already was.

 _''If she wasn't here you shoud've gone and tried again later! But I see you made yourself pretty comfortable in here. How disrespectful!''_ – Derek yelled, very irritated with the intern, not thinking at all about why she was there. Or who she was. Truthfully, he couldn't even imagine who she was.

 _''I'm sorry, I...''_ – was all Alison could say. She felt tears collecting in her eyes and was afraid that if she tried to speak and explain everything they would fall without mercy, embarresing her even more.

In that moment Amelia walked in her office, shock on her face and panic in her eyes after seeing who was waiting for her. The scene was even more confusing, because her brother looked very angry and her daughter seemed afraid, embarresed and with tears in her eyes.

 _''What is going on here?''_ – Amelia inquired.

Alison stayed quiet while Derek was raging with sarcasm _. '' This little intern found herself so important to let herself in your office.''_ – he said to Amelia and then turned to Alison to yell again _– ''How disrespectful!''_

 _''Do NOT yell in MY office at MY...''_ – Amelia had to bite her tounge not to scream in his face the truth _– ''...intern!''_

 _''Yeah, now you're going to defend her?!''_ – Derek laughed sarcastically.

 _''Yeah, I am. She didn't do anything to deserve you screaming in her face. So shut up and tell me why you came here or just go, Derek.''_ – Amelia tried really hard not to kill him with her bare hands right then and there.

 _''I came here for your opinion on a case, but I'm not leaving until we clear this situation.''_ – he responded proudly.

 _''There is NO situation, Derek! And nothing to clear. Get over yourself. I'll come find you later to give you my opinion on that case.''_ – Amelia said matter-of-factly.

Derek then turned to face Alison again and asked – _''Why were you here?''_

Alison didn't know what to say. She looked at Amelia desperately, her eyes asking for help. Before she had to say anything, Amelia jumped in _– ''It's none of your bussines. Now would you mind and leave us alone?''_

 _''Amy?!''_ – he exclaimed louder than he intended.

Alison had enough of his yelling and requiring an answer. Something was boiling inside of her and suddenly her throat wasn't constricted anymore, words were finally free to leave. He wanted an answer and he was going to get it, she thought feeling tired of hiding the truth. Before saying anything she looked at Amelia, giving her the smallest smile.

 _''You really want to know the truth?''_ – Alison asked staring bravely at Derek.

 _''I really do.''_ – he responded shortly.

 _''I came here to find my mother and talk to her.''_ – Alison said in one breath. She thought she was quite clear, but Derek looked at her with confusion. And Amelia was shocked. She definetely wasn't expecting that to come out of Alison's mouth. In a way she was happy that the truth was out in the open, but she feared Derek's reaction. And then it hit her. Alison told 'my mother' while talking about Amelia and she couldn't stop that warm feeling in her chest spreading and finally settling in her huge grin.

 _''I don't understand. You thought you were going to find your mother in Amy's office?''_ – Derek was puzzled by Alison's statement.

 _''Yes. Because...''_ – her eyes strayed to meet Amelia's and when she found the encouragement she needed Alison continued more calmly _– ''Because this is my mother's office.''_

 **A/N: Aaaaaand the cat is out of the bag. What do you think, how will Derek react? Did you like the fact that Alison was the one who told him? I can't wait to hear your feedback!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

 _''Exuse me? I must've heard you wrong. Your mother's office?''_ – Derek stumbled upon every word he said. He truly couldn't understand what was Alison implying.

 _''Aham. Just like you heard.''_ – Alison smiled teasingly. It was so funny watching Derek lost and trying to understand. That look on his face was something she would pay to see again. But Amelia, on the other hand, wasn't having as much fun watching Derek figure out what was going on as Alison did. For more then two months she was trying to think of the best way how to tell him and the situation in which they were at the moment wasn't something she could've imagined. Maybe it was better this way, she thought, no time to overthink everything.

 _''I'm really not getting the joke here.''_ – he said incredulously. _''Amy?''_

Amelia knew that the hardest part of telling the truth was explaining it. It made it even harder that it was Derek in front of her. Keeping it a secret for more than eighteen years was hard, but this part made all that effort look very easy. But what was done was done, there was no turning back. This was on her and if Alison was finally able to accept her and actually acknowledge her as her mother Amelia was definetely ready to take all the responsibility for her choice.

 _''There is no joke here, Derek.''_ – Amelia swallowed and looked him straight in the eyes, not flinching even for a second while saying _– '' Alison is my daughter.''_

Derek's mouth fell open. He was utterly and completely in shock. His brain tried very heard to make sense of what was going on and what was just said to him, but in his mind Alison being Amelia's daughter made no sense at all. That idea seemed so impossible to him and actually very hilarious. Before he could even try to control himself, Derek started laughing out loud.

 _''Come on, Amy. Stop messing with me.''_ – he rambled while laughing.

Alison's eyes were wide open, looking at Derek like he was a crazy person. It was amusing watching 'the god of all neurosurgeons', as he loved to be called, being lost, but watching him in crazy laughter over something so serious was a bit scary. After a minute Amelia lost it and couldn't listen to him acting crazy anymore.

 _''Derek.''_ – she started slowly _– ''Would you stop with that and just listen to me?''_

 _''You're funny, you know that.''_ – he said to Alison, ignoring Amelia pleading him to stop laughing – _''I'm not sure if that was the best or the worst excuse I've ever heard, but it was definetely the funniest. I have to admit it, you got some nerve. I like it.''_

Alison didn't know what to say, but a chuckle escaped her mouth. These last five minutes were bizzare. Scenes like that happened only in the movies, not in real life. At least that was what she thought before.  
Amelia was losing the little patience she had.

 _''That day, when I crashed your car''_ – Amelia started talking, hoping that Derek would listen – _''You saved me and then the paramedics took me to the hospital.''_ Derek's laughter was gone in a second, just like it came.

When Amelia saw he was listening and following she continued _– ''If you came to see me after...you...you would've known. You haven't talked to me in three years, Derek. Didn't even ask how I was doing. Even our sisters called, but you never did.''_ \- she frowned with tears forming in her eyes – _'' That day...I found out I was pregnant. Mom and Addie were there. I got clean in rehab and nine months later I gave birth to a little girl. My life was a complete mess and there was no chance in hell I would drag my innocent little girl down with me, so I gave her away. I was alone and heartbroken and you never even called...''_ Her last sentence was barely louder than a whisper, pain so visable on her tear stained face.

Amelia never told that part of the story to anyone. The part in which she felt so abandoned by her brother when she needed him the most. He was always her person in the world. The two of them were so much alike and so close while growing up, almost like they were twins. Derek was always her protector and hero. And he was just gone in the moments when she was breaking apart and needing him to help her pick up the pieces. He was angry at first and Amelia understood that. She really messed up and if she could she would've changed it, but it was done. And when she took her first breath after those long three minutes they cried together. He was holding her in his arms tightly and she was begging him for forgivness. She understood his anger at first, but a year or two after...

Derek couldn't believe what he just heard. He was speechless, looking at her with so much sadness and regret. He was reminded again of the day when he failed for the first time in his life. He failed hard. At least that was what he thought. He always blamed himself. But between all the sadness and regret Amelia recognized the hurt.

 _''I wasn't the only one who never called.''_ – Derek said bitterly – _'' And I was broken too, Amy. You were dead in my arms for three minutes.''_ – he exclaimed desperately _. ''And I don't understand...Why? Why didn't you call me? You trusted Addison more than you trusted me.''_

 _''That didn't have anything to do with trust...''_ – Amelia responded weakly.

He just shook his head in disbelief and turned his attention to Alison. That was the first time he really looked at her. And he could finally see it. Her features were so familiar. Those big expresive blue eyes, dark slightly wavy hair, few small freckles on her cheeks. Derek saw so much of Amelia in her and in the same time so much of himself. The resemblence was undeniable.

 _''So...Alison...''_ – he reached to take her hand to shake like they were just meeting – _''I'm Derek. I guess I'm your uncle.''_ With his hand he offered a smile, too.

Alison chuckled at how awkward it was. He was yelling at her minutes ago and now he wanted to shake hands and he introduced himself as her uncle. How crazy the universe was. Everything changes in a heartbeat.

 _''I see you can be nice, too''_ – Alison joked trying to light the mood in the room.

Both Derek and Amelia laughed at her comment and started speaking at the same time.

 _''He can, but don't get used to it.''_ – Amelia smirked at Derek.

 _''I am nice 99% of the time.''_ – Derek finished his sentence right after Amelia did hers.

It was Alison's turn to laugh at them.

 _''Let's see... You look like Amy's 'mini me'. You're 18 and already an intern, so you must be highly intelligent. You're funny and you have those famous 'charming dimples'. You are most definetely a Shepherd. I think I like you already.''_ – Derek grinned pleased with his summary.

Amelia laughed and added – _''Don't fall for his charm, Ali. He's sucking up now, because he feels bad he yelled at you before.''_

 _''Well maybe I can take you both to a ferry boat ride this evening? I'd like to start this right and get to know you. I won't bombard you now with the questions. I know you came to talk to Amy...''_ – Derek said to Alison.

Alison grinned imediately and looked at Amelia with pleading eyes. She didn't know everything what happened three days ago after that mess in the ER and what Derek did to Amelia. But she really wanted to go on a ferry boat ride.  
Amelia saw Alison's hopeful and excited face and could not reject the offer, even if she was still angry at her brother.

 _''Amy?''_ – Derek inquired.

Then Alison figured that maybe Amelia still wasn't okay after everyone found out about her past, so maybe that's why she wasn't comfortable with the idea. A second later she said to Amelia _– ''Are you okay? We don't have to go if you're not up for it...''_

Again, that warm feeling in her chest started spreading. Amelia figured it was love. And when she saw how worried Alison was for her, there was no way she could say no. She felt the urge to do anything in her power to calm Ali and to make her stop worrying. And in that moment something in the air surrounding them changed. In a good way.

 _''Derek, how did you know she wanted to go?''_ – Amelia smiled – _'' We can go if you want, Ali.''_

 _''Really? You like ferry boats, too?''_ – Derek asked Alison. He was so excited that maybe someone could share his passion for ferry boats.

 _''I don't know. They seem cool.''_ \- Alison shrugged her shoulders and then walked to Amelia _– ''I know you're not a fan, but maybe it could be fun to go?''_

 _''Then we'll go.''_ – Amelia answered her daughter softly.

 _''It's a deal. Be ready around 6:30, is that okay?''_ – he asked and then sighed _– '' Ohh, I just remembered I have to pick up Zola and Bailey from daycare around that time. Meredith is on-call.''_

 _''They can come too. I'd like to meet them.''_ – Alison suggested.

 _''Great idea, Little Shepherd.''_ – Derek agreed – _'' I'll see you two later then.''_

 _''Little Shepherd, ha?_ – Alison smirked.

 _''I think it suits you really well.''_ – he winked.

 _''I agree. But Derek...please... don't tell anyone yet.''_ – Amelia pleaded.

Derek just nodded and left Amelia and Alison alone in the office.

 **A/N: This one's a bit shorter, but I wanted to update sooner. I hope I didn't dissappoint with Derek's first reaction. There will be more in the next chapter. Please tell me what you think, your comments really help. Thank you for reading. I appreciate all of you kind people making time to read my story. Bless you!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Without Derek in the room the silence took over. Amelia was still in disbelief for what has just happened and Alison's brain started catching up with her mouth. It wasn't planned and maybe the timing wasn't the best, but there was no going back. For a minute the two of them where just standing next to each other, their brains in full speed, both silently trying to figure out what to do or say. When Alison realized how huge that moment was, not only for both her and Amelia, but for Derek and her family too, her eyes widened and her hand flew through the air to cover her blabbing mouth.

 _''Oh my God! What have I done? What are we going to do now?''_ – Alison's panic written all over her face.

 _''Just breathe. Okay?''_ – Amelia responded, trying to sound assuring _– '' For now, let's just breathe. Come here, it'll be alright.''_

They sat on the couch for some time, both replaying the scene in their heads. There was so much to talk about and Amelia knew she had a lot of explaining to do, but in that moment the silence was comforting enough.  
Alison moved closer and leaned on Amelia's shoulder. It was a genuine moment of peace, full of understaning and love on both parts. Amelia kissed her daughter's forehead and sighed in relief. Her baby girl was still by her side and it was the first time she felt truly needed by someone. And the first time she realized that she was finally capable of being there.

 _''I know you have a lot of questions.''_ – Amelia started _– ''And you deserve answers!''_ – she paused to look Alison in the eyes _– '' I should've told you everything before, but... It's very hard for me, you know. It's hard to deal with my past over and over again. I always try to run, but it eventually catches up with me. Like it did three days ago in the ER. It was so humiliating. And it was even more hard because I knew you were there, listening her every word. I wanted to dig up a hole and bury myself in shame right then and there.''_

Alison was carefully listening. She wanted the answers to her questions, but she realized that firstly she wanted Amelia to be okay. Better said, she needed Amelia to be okay. So she just listened, without interrupting or judgement.

 _''But all I could do was to remove myself from the situation. I tried to continue my day as normally as I could, but every person I encountered was whispering something about me. Few of them even shouted 'junky' after me. And after talking with Derek and Hunt I was devestated. Derek wanted my job and Hunt was okay with giving it to him. I talked to Richard and he said I needed to go to a meeting. Through the day I was drowning more and more in that black space where I used to live before. I just couldn't find the strength to face you. To see how dissapointed you were in me. It would've killed me.''_

As she was speaking, Amelia's pain was palpable in the air surrounding them and Alison could feel it. It pressed so hard on her, so much that she wasn't angry or disappointed anymore. She was worried for her mother.

 _''So, I'm really sorry for running away. I'm sorry for breaking my promise. I didn't think properly. All I wanted was to save my sanity, to stay sober... to stay on the track. For you...''_

Amelia didn't know what to say anymore. It was everything she had. She was trying really hard to read the look on Alison's face. But, there was nothing. It seemed like a blank page. She expected anger, judgement, disappointment or tears. But she's got what she was least expecting.

 _''I understand!''_ – Alison mouthed and looked at Amelia with so much compassion, that it made Amelia tear up. They hugged and Alison added _– ''I'm not angry anymore, but I was so worried. You were nowhere to be found and I got really scared that you left. I spent last three days here, waiting for you. And when I heard you came back I came here to find you, but then your brother found me, and well...we both know the rest of the story.''_

 _''I didn't want to scare you. I'm sorry!''_ – Amelia frowned a bit – _''But I really meant it when I said that I will never leave you again. Trust me on that...please.''_

 _''It'll take me some time to get over my trust issues, you get that, right? But I'm really trying. I'm here. And I'm sorry for what that woman did to you.''_ – Alison responded.

 _''I didn't help with those issues at all in the last three days...''_ – Amelia glanced at Alison and cought her nodding.

 _''And I still have questions. You don't have to tell me everything right now, but I need to know who was she talking about. Was that dead boyfriend in your bed my father?''_ – Alison inquired gently.

 _''No, it wasn't. It was Ryan. We were using togehter and we even got engaged. It all happend about three years ago. But please...can we talk about it some other time?''_ – Amelia pleaded tearfully and Alison agreed.

Like every time they tried to spent some time togehter in the hospital they were interrupted by a buzzing pager. It was Amelia's this time. So they parted ways and agreed to meet before 6:30 and their meeting with Derek and the kids.

Time couldn't pass fast enough for Alison. The excitment made her cheerful and happy, so much that everyone around her noticed huge change in the mood. In comparison to the days before and not only days, but that morning too, Alison was a different person. She wasn't distracted anymore. And after not leaving the hospital for three whole days, Zack was relieved to see her finally go to her hotel room. Few times he made a mistake by calling the hotel her home, and she was fast to point out that her home is in NYC and that the hotel was just a temporary sleeping place. After the explanation he got, Zack carefuly avoided even mentioning something slightly connected with home. It wasn't really hard to figure out that home or family were some kind of taboo topics for Ali.

Around 6pm Alison went to change from her scrubs and then headed in the direction of Amelia's office. On her way she ran into Derek.

 _''Heey, I was just looking for you. Amy finished earlier, so I asked her to pick up the kids from daycare. I promised to find you.''_ – Derek said.

 _''Oh, great then... Let's get going.''_ – Alison smiled.

 _''Let's go. They're probably waiting for us already.''_ – he paused for a second to see if Alison would start a conversation, but as she didn't he decided to continue _– '' Bailey adores Amy. Zola does too, but I think she's Bailey's favourite person in the world. When Meredith or I say something there is no chance he would comply, but if Amy tells him he acts like the best behaving child ever. That drives me crazy sometimes.''_

Alison chuckled at his last statement, then added – _''I saw her interact with children few times when I was on peds cases. They all seemed to really like her.''_

 _''And what about you two? How are things between you?''_ – Derek was curious.

 _''Straight to the point, ha?''_ – Alison smirked _– ''I guess we're getting to know each other. It's all new for both of us.''_

Just as Derek wanted to ask his next of many, many questions he had, Amelia, Zola and Bailey appeared. Amelia tickled two tiny humans, who were walking next to her, and their laughter was uncontrollable. The sight of the three of them looking so happy and relaxed was very endearing. But it made Alison a little bit sad and maybe, just maybe a little bit jealous. She would never openly admit it, but Derek saw the look on her face. She smiled, but that smile didn't really catch her eyes.

Alison never had that; mom or aunt to tickle her and laugh with her, to take her home after work. And now, when she was finally finding that in Amelia, seeing her play with her niece and nephew made Alison very jealous, actually.

 **A/N: I know I didn't post anything for almost three weeks and I'm really sorry. I didn't abandon this story! I just needed some time away from the electronics to spend it with my family. I hope you understand and I hope you'll keep reading. Next chapter is already in the workings, so it should be done very soon.**

 **I'm glad to be back. :)**

 **Thank you for reading!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

 _''I thought Dr. Robbins teaches all her students that jealousy is a green-eyed monster''_ – Derek winked to Alison.

Internally Alison groaned. She couldn't believe how quickly he read her. Was she really that obvious, she questioned herself. Well, there was no point in denying it. Jealousy is a big green-eyed monster and if you feed it once it never stops being hungry.

But it felt strange to Alison. She was never jealous of her brothers and sisters. Nana and David never made them feel like that. So, she couldn't understand why was she feeling it now. What was it that made her jealous? Was it because deep down she feared her family was only 'borrowed' and now when she's found her mother she knew noone could take that away from her? Was it that? Did she want her mom only to be hers?

When all those questions started buzzing in her mind she realized how childish all that sounded. She had to remind herself that she's waaaay past that age when she could act like a possesive child. So she tried to play as cool as she could in front of Derek.

 _''And you never heard that there is no reasoning with the monster?!''_ – Ali winked back.

As the thickling monster a.k.a Amelia saw her brother and daughter winking at each other and coming closer she stopped with her sweet torture of the little ones and looked questioningly at them. Derek's likable character and his ability to get under people's skin with his wit and smile drove Amelia crazy sometimes. How was he doing that? Alison met him that morning and they were already exchanging mischevious secret looks. He was a great uncle and Amelia knew that, but this was quick. She obviously underestimated his special powers.

 _''You two seem like you're up to something?''_ – Amelia tried to sound casual, but it actually sounded pretty forced and funny.

 _''Come on, Amy. Don't be jealous. You know I was always the coolest uncle.''_ – Derek said, really satisfied with himself. But Zola didn't let him fly too far on his imagined wings of fame.

 _''Daddy, I think aunty Amy is waaaay cooler than you. You never want to play pricesses with me.''_ – miss Zola said with her most firm voice and matter-of-factly, no-joking tone.

Amelia, Derek and Alison couldn't resist and they bursted into histerical laughter. When Zola added _– ''You tolded me that I have to tell the truth, daddy.''_ , it made the three older Shephards laugh even more.

They calmed down a bit when they reached Derek's car _. ''Well princess Zola, you say your aunty is cooler, so she will put you in your carseat.'_ ' – Derek acted like his feelings were hurt.

 _''Ali, I can sit in the back with them if you want?''_ – Amelia questioned.

 _''No, no. It's okay, I don't mind.''_ – Ali smiled and went to sit between Zola and Bailey.

Zola was always a chatty little girl, so silence seriously bugged her and if she could do something about it the silence would never exist. So, that whole minute they spent silently in the car was probably her record. Deciding that enough was enough she turned to Alison.

 _''I saw a photo of you in aunty Amy's room, but I don't know who you are. What's your name?''_

Hearing that Amelia has her photo was nice, but seeing Amelia blushing at that statement was hilarious. Alison chuckled and responded sweetly _– ''My name is Alison, but you, miss Zola, can call me Ali.''_

 _''I like your name. And what's your other name?''_ – Zola inquired innocently _. '' I have two. Mine are Grey and Shepherd. And Bailey's is just Shepherd.''_

 _''Well...''_ – Alison was at lost. She didn't know what was she supposed to say. She cought Amelia and Derek exchanging looks _. ''Maybe your daddy could explain it to you.''_ That was the smartest thing she found in her mind to say. It was the quickest escape. But Derek didn't really appreciate it.

At first he stuttered and struggled with words, but after few seconds of uncomfortable, and for Zola very confusing silence he cleared his throat and finally said – _''She has two other names. Like you do, sweety. One is Shepherd like ours and one is Jean.''_

 _''Oh... But daddy, if one name is from mommy and other from you...?''_ – Zola tried to understand _– ''Then...''_ – she turned again to look at Alison and asked – _''Is my daddy your daddy, too?''_

Zola definetely cought them all off guard with that question. But in her mind it made perfect sense. She was quick to connect the dots, but not quite correctly. She was very close, though.

Derek was the first one to recover and answer _. ''No, sweety. Ali got her name from aunty Amy and her daddy.''_

Little girl furrowed her brow. She was concentrating really hard to figure out the solution for what seemed like a riddle to her.  
 _''Sooo... Is aunty Amy your mommy then?''_ – she asked Ali again.

Alison was usually great with kids, but in that particular situation she felt like a fish out of the water. With no idea what was the right thing to do, what to say or how to act. Amelia recognized her daughter's panicky mode, but decided not to interfere, only to support and try to calm her with a soothing smile.

 _''Umm...well... yes, she is.''_ – Alison hesitated there for a second – _''You're quite intelligent, little miss .''_

 _''Really? Does that make you my big sister?''_ – Zola inquired excitedly.

 _''It's your call princess Zola.''_ – Alison grinned at Zola, seeing she could hardly contain her excitement.

 _''Daaaaaaaaaddy, did you hear that?''_ –she literally screamed from the top of her lungs with joy – _''Aunty Amy, why didn't you tell me before? I've always wanted a sister!''_ Then she turned to face Ali again with a huge grin _– ''Well, if I'm princess Zola then you must be princess Ali! Ohhh I can't wait to show you all my toys! And we can plaaaaaay all the time. We'll have tea parties and wear crowns like real pricesses...''_

Zola could ramle and ramble all day. If the oxygen wasn't necessary she would never stop to catch a breath. But her joy was infectious and there was no way to escape it. Everyone felt relieved with how accepting the kids were. Well, Zola actually. Bailey didn't really understand what was going on, but he was smiling just like everyone else in the car. The only concern was how to keep Zola spreading the news to every single person who was willing to listen to her.

 _''Of course, you'll show me. But can I ask you to do something for me little miss?''_ – Alison started carefully.

 _''What? What? What?''_

 _''Can I ask you to keep a secret for me? Like princess to princess...''_ – Ali smiled widely as Zola's interest grew.

 _''Mommy says I'm not very good with secrets. I always tell her everything. My mouth just speak...''_ – Zola frowned.

 _''We can make a deal. You can tell your mommy, but noone else. Could you do that? I will be your secret princess sister for a while and then we will tell everyone else.''_ – Ali offered sweetly.

 _''I could do that.''_ – she grinned again, happy with new conditions – _''You' ll be my secret princess sister Ali.''_

 _''Pinky promise?''_

 _''Pinky promise!''_

Half an hour later the Shepherds were on a ferry boat. Seattle lights looked more beautiful as it was getting darker. The sky was clear, stars on full display. It wasn't too cold and shockingly for Seattle, it wasn't raining. All in all, the night was very peacefull, except for Zola's non-stop rambling about her dolls. After the pinky promise there was no chance Ali could get away from her new little sister. Good side of that was that Derek and Amelia had a chance to have their heart-to-heart without interruption.

 _''How is it that you seem so okay with all this? I imagined you judging, yelling, not understaning... But you were just – Oh hi, I guess I'm your uncle...''_ – Amelia was the one to start the conversation. The thought of Derek exploding at some point was pressing on her since the morning. It was just strange to her. He's not that famous for his great reactions to situations of that kind, just like Amelia was not famous for great choices in her past. But maybe there was hope. Maybe people really do change.

 _''So...you'd rather have me yelling at you?''_ – Derek smirked.

 _''No no no... I'm not complaining. Just wondering.''_ – she retorted quickly.

 _'' Well I think you and I had our fair share of fights for what went down 18 years ago. I'm not saying that I'm not hurt that you kept such a huge and important part of your life a secret, but I get it. I wouldn't understand if you had told me then, but I do understand now.''_

 _''It means a lot, you know... You understanding... Because I was never able to forgive myself for what happened. But you see that beautiful, intelligent and kind girl over there.''_ – Amelia looked lovingly in Ali's direction – _''She's the best thing that came out of all that mess. I'll forever regret missing so much of her life, but I will never regret giving her the chance to become what she is now.''_

 _''I can't even imagine how hard it must've been for you. You were only sixteen. I should've been there to protect you...''_ – Derek frowned.

 _''You said it... Let's just leave it in the past where it belongs.''_ – Amelia tried a smile.

 _''How you two found each other? I remember you didn't know who she was on the first day. Were you only pretending or...?''_

 _''No. I didn't know. I realised few days after and I was shocked. Our first talk was...em...well...very difficult. With a lot of tears, my regret, her anger and resentment. She literally broke down on the floor in front of me, Derek. That sight made my heart break even more. She even thought of going back to NYC.''_  
Amelia was swallowing hard and having a hard time getting the words out. She felt so vulnerable and little in front of her brother.

 _''But she stayed, I see.''_ – Derek offered his best comforting dimpled smile.

 _''She did.''_ – Amelia returned the favour with a smile – _''We had a lot of bumps on the road and we still do. It'll take a lot of time to heal, I know. But slowly we're getting there.''_

 _''I'm so glad for you Amy. And I'm really proud of you. Standing your ground, trying to make it right...''_ – Derek hugged tightly his sister, trying with that hug to apologize for everything he had done to her. _''But, for how long do you plan to keep it a secret?''_

 _''I don't know. If you ask just me I would scream it to the whole world, but she's still not ready. I have to respect that. She has a family and a life. It's not my place to barge in uninvited. So I'm giving her time, as much as she needs.''_ – Amelia shrugged her shoulders – _''And well, it's not that easy living with the 'Shepherd' name. I'm a living proof of a struggle.''_ – she chuckled.

In her eyes Derek could see hope. Beautiful, twinkling hope. She wasn't running for the first time in her life. In their family you inherited the 'running' gene, but she was fighting it. And Derek could not be more proud of her than he was in that moment. 'She's going to be a great mother. She already is.'-he thought to himself.

 **A/N: I've always imagined Ali and Zola being close and having this bond, because they were both adopted. I'm having some ideas to bring Maggie in the mix too. What do you think about that?**

 **I hope this chapter was as genuine as I intended it to be and I really hope you like the way this story is evolving. The Herman surgery is the next thing to tackle.**

 **Thank you for reading! :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Two days after the ferry boat ride with the Shepherds Alison was finally able to find some free time to skype her family. She texted occasionally David and her sisters Ashley and Bella, but as more time passed it just stopped being enough. A lot has happened to her in the last two months and every single thing that happened was literally lifechanging. It wasn't easy dealing with everything and she couldn't help herself but to feel lonely sometimes. The hotel wasn't home, the crappy food she was eating couldn't come even close to Nana's delicious meals. And the people... They were all new and she liked them, but still, they couldn't quite compare to her big loud and loving Jean family. Alison missed them deeply.

All those fun games they used to play every Sunday, home karaoke parties, their private little masterchef competitons in which Nana and David were judges and Ali, Ashley, Nate, Lucas and Bella were the fierce competitors, their tennis tournaments in which Ali would always win, all the fun they had while trying to avoid making Nana angry and with five hormonal teenagers Nana often had reasons to be angry. But now, when Alison was so far away from them, she even missed all the bickering and the fights that went on on a daily basis.

Normal eighteen-year-olds were now at college and Alison was living alone on the other side of the country from her family, working and being an intern; while in the meantime meeting her mother who left her when she was born. That would be a lot for a full grown-up person, let alone for an eighteen-year-old. Sometimes she wished she wasn't so advanced in school. Sounds stupid, but she missed all the fun of high school and college because she was just a child. She was somewhat of a genious with a photographic memory, but still a child. Then Alison didn't look at it that way, her hunger for knowledge was insatiable. But looking back now, she realized she could've done everything a little bit slower.

Talking about it with David helped.

 _''I'm not complaining or anything. It'll all come to its place I hope and I love Amelia, but I miss you guys a lot. And I miss you even more when I'm exhausted like I am now.''_ – Ali said to David.

 _''I can see that''_ – David chuckled – _''You get all whiny and everything. It kind of reminds me of you when you were around 7.''_

 _''Heeey, I'm not whiny. Just contemplating on my life.''_

 _''Ohh that's how you call it nowdays. I see...''_ – David laughed.

 _''Nanaaaa, he's teasing me. Make him stop.''_ – Alison whined again.

 _''Oh sweety, you know he's just joking...When are you coming home?''_ – Nana came to save the day.

 _''Hopefully for Christmas, Nana. I'll...''_ – her pager started buzzying and interrupted her _– ''This damn pager! I'm going to throw it in the toilet and flush it one of these days.''_

 _''I know you're tired and annoyed, but watch your language young lady.''_ – Nana gave her 'The Look'.

Ali apologized and they said their goodbye's. She jumped from the bed and rushed to answer Dr. Edwards page.

At the time Alison was skyping with David and Nana, Amelia had her first encounter with Meredith after Zola's mouth did their magic and told Meredith about the new found family member.

 _''Amelia Shepherd! Did you want me to have a heart attack?''_ – Meredith started making Amelia very confused. _''Zola came to me yesterday to tell me she found out she has a sister, who has the same name as Bailey and she. And that she's so happy to have another princess in the family. Then she said the girl's name is Alison and I remembered the intern that reminded me so much of Derek and THEN I FREAKED THE HELL OUT thinking she was his daughter.''_

 _''Ohh...''_ – Amelia mouthed a little bit surprised with the sudden attack _. ''Well, as you are here yelling at me I figure you know the truth.''_

 _''He explained, after he was done being mad because I doubted him.''_ – Meredith rolled her eyes and continued more calmy – _''Soo, when did all that happened? You having a teenage daughter...?''_

Just as Amelia opened her mouth to say something her pager started going off.  
 _''911. Sorry, have to go. We'll talk later. Please, don't say a word to anyone.''_

 _''Yeah, yeah I know. Royal secret or something like that. Don't worry, the secret is safe with me.''_ – Meredith winked.

Minutes later Amelia was scrubbing in for an emergency surgery. The patient was working with Torres on her robotic leg project. He's a war veteran and he pushed too hard, thinking he could take on almost anything because of being a soldier. Unfortunately, he slipped, fell and hit his head. Now he was on Amelia's table and she wasn't sure how much she could do for him.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Owen.  
 _''Hey, how does he look?''_

 _''He's going to need a full craniotomy. I'll know more once I'm in there.''_ – Amelia answered, while trying really hard to hide her doubt about the patients recovery. She was ready to do the impossible, but the haemorage was profuse and concerning.

 _''Page me when you're out. Okay?''_

Amelia nodded and paused with the words lingering _. '' Umm, I feel like I owe you an explanation...about what you heard last week.''_

Owen realising what she was talking about said _– ''You don't need...''_ – but he was quickly cut off.

 _''I had a pill problem. I got clean. Three years ago I relapsed and for a brief time I got into oxy...''_ – she swallowed hard before continuing _– ''...and then shooting oxy. I lost someone. Um... That was rock bottom and I have been clean ever since.''_

 _''Listen. Derek told me everything he needs. You don't have to...''_

 _''I work for you and I respect you. And...I like you. So if it's alright I don't care to hang my professional relationships on Derek Shepherd's reputation. I needed you to hear it from me.''_ – Amelia said very confidently _– ''I know it's a choice. Keeping me on... I know I'm a risk.''_

 _''We're all a risk.''_ – Owen said and pretty much surprised Amelia pleasently. _''We all have something. I have my own version. It's different. It took a different toll. Still does. And... I push through every day. I'm assuming you're doing the same thing. Unless I see otherwise. Okay?''_ – he offered a sincere smile.

 _''Okay.''_ – Amelia too offered a smile, understaning where he was coming from. She then finished scrubbing in and went into the OR highly concentrated.

Alison's day was going terribly. From three cases she was working on, two were lost causes and have died in the trauma room, and the third patient was a little boy with a stomach flu who ended up throwing up all over her. One could say she was pretty miserable, mostly because her brain cells were barely used and she was so tired.

Edwards seeing that Alison was almost as miserable as she was, 'cause she was sent to do the ultrasound on April Kepner (the person for whom she was left by her boyfriend, who then went on and married the mentioned person and made her pregnant), called her to act like a buffer and make her feel like she was there just for educational purposes, to teach Alison how to read the ultrasound.

Knowing how awkward it's going to be, Alison rolled her eyes and sighed loudly asking the universe if the day could go any worse. Zack seemed pretty entertained with the situation.

 _''Good luck, Jelly Jean.''_ – Zack laughed out loud.

 _''Oh just shut it Zack!''_ – Alison retorted without turning to look at him, which made Zack laugh even more.

Just like Alison thought, the ultrasound was so so awkward. Her desire to run from that room couldn't even be measured. And everything became even more awkward when Edwards blurted out that the baby was a boy right after Kepner specificaly told she didn't want to know. It was an honest mistake, but still, it was a mistake that shoudn't have happened. While reading the ultrasound Alison and Edwards noticed some irregularities. A huge lump was created in Alison's throat when she realized what could be the reason for them. She saw in Edwards's eyes that she thought about the same condition as well. But what confused Alison was that Edwards never mentioned anything. She just kept looking until Kepner had to cut the 'happy meeting' short and go to the ER.

 _''Dr. Edwards, what was that about? Why didn't you say anything?''_ – Alison stopped Edwards from leaving the room.

 _''What?''_ – Stephanie acted confused.

 _''I know you saw it. Why didn't you say something?''_ – Alison wasn't about to give in.

 _''I'm not sure what I saw and I am definitely not the right person to say anything to them. And niether are you. So just step out and let me handle it.''_

 _''It's terrible! But I am sure that we are right. As much as, like you, I don't want us to be.''_

The silence took over the room. And heaviness. Huge heaviness in the air. Alison hated this part of the job. Hated it beyond anything else. The feeling of helplessness was the worst feeling a doctor could feel. In those moments they saw clearer the obvious fact, that they forget at times. Everything wasn't in their hands. They couldn't save everyone.

 _''We need to find Dr. Robbins.''_ – Edwards muttered in defeat.

Amelia's surgery was finished few hours later. She did everything she could. Everything they could do was wait and see. So she decided not to page Owen just yet. There wasn't anything she could say except that the surgery was over. She wanted to wait for anestesia to wear off and see how the patient will react or if he will react.

Her stomach was informing Amelia that it was necessary for her to eat if she wanted to function, but her pager warned her not to listen to her stomach and to, yet again, postpone the lunch. She sighed and went on to pick up the mail she was informed just came in for her. Amelia tried to remember if she was waiting for something to be mailed to her, but there wasn't anything she could think of. And yet, there it was, someone's whole medical chart divided into four huge envelopes waiting for her. She checked if they've mistaken her with Derek, but there wasn't any mistakes. It was for Dr. Amelia Shepherd.

Then she heard Arizona talking to the desk lady.

 _''Hi. Did you get anything for Dr. Shepherd? A chart. Might've been addressed to Dr. Robbins.''_ – Arizona asked.

While the lady was looking through the mail Amelia walked in carrying four envelopes and asked Arizona suspiciously – _''Looking for this?''_

 _''Yeah.''_ – Robbins answered, trying to hide her guilt – _''Yeah... Thanks.''_. She took the envelopes from Amelia and started walking out.

 _''Is this our Nicole Herman? Dr. Herman?''_ – Amelia questioned.

Arizona froze in the moment, not knowing if she should run without answering or turn around and face Amelia. The first choice wasn't actually a good choice, so she turned around looking at the floor.

 _''What's going on?''_ – Amelia furrowed her brow, becoming more and more suspicious with every second that passed.

 **A/N: This chapter is kind of a set-up for the stories I intend to tackle in the future chapters, so that's the reason why there isn't any Amelia-Alison interraction. But bear with me please. A lot of strugles are awaiting for them. The situation with April's and Jackson's baby will open a lot of questions between Amelia and Ali. Owen is slowly becoming a more integral part of the story. Herman's surgery is in sight.  
Did you like Meredith's reaction on the news? What do you think will be Alison's reaction on everything? And how will Amelia handle being torn in so many different directions? I'd like to hear your feedback.**

 **Thank you for reading./Gracias por leer. :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

 _''It's bad, right?''_ – Arizona frowned sitting next to Amelia, who she was looking at the scans.

 _''It's spectacular.''_ –Amelia answered sounding amazed _– ''The big bad mother of an astrocytoma. See how it ignores the anatomical borders''_ – she pointed at the mass on the scan. _''It's like a perfect butterfly. Look. It starts in the subfrontal and extends practically into the hypothalamus. That is a thing of beauty!''_ – Amelia exlaimed, while looking fascinated.

Arizona didn't know what to say. Even though Amelia talked about it like it really was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, Arizona knew it was bad. Really, really bad.

Amelia interrupted her thoughts when asking _– ''Arizona, who else knows about this? People know about this, right?''_

 _''Yeah, everybody who needs to know knows.''_ – she tried to sound assuring – _''But she prefers discretion, you know. So, if you could just keep it to youself?''_

 _''Of course. I'm a locked box.''_ – Amelia promised, but she was still very much intrigued by the tumor.

 _''Thanks. See you.''_ – Arizona said, looking very distracted, almost like she was lost. Amelia noticed, but Arizona was fast to leave the room.

An hour later Amelia was still going through Herman's brain scans amazed with how brilliant the tumor was. The way it found a way to feed itself and to grow in so many different directions. It was alive. And it was perfect.  
Without even realising what she was doing, she started thinking of the ways how to extract the tumor. As she read in the chart, few neurosurgeons declined to operate or advised strongly against it, noting that it was too far gone. But Amelia knew better than to just give up. She loved to make something that was originally thought as impossible, possible. Altough life thought not to give in to wishful thinking, Amelia was still sucker for hope. And besides that...she was truly convinced that her brilliant talent and imagination could deal with such a complex case.

With being so lost in her own little world, Amelia didn't hear Alison knocking on the door and coming in.

 _''Exuse me, Dr. Shepherd...''_ – Alison began, but stopped with her practised intro when she saw Amelia sitting alone in the room – _''Oh hi. I didn't mean to interrupt, but...''_

Amelia finally snapped from some kind of a daydream and acknowledged Alison's presence.  
 _''Hi, sweety. Don't worry, you're not interrupting. What you're up to?''_

 _''Well sorry anyway. I'm actually looking for Dr. Robbins. The nurse told me she was here with you, but I can see she's not, so...''_

 _''She was, but you know how Herman doesn't even let her breathe. Can I help?''_ – Amelia offered, a little disappointed that Ali wasn't looking for her.

 _''Thanks, but Dr. Edwards needs a consult.''_ – Alison responded flatly.

 _''Oh, okay.''_ It was obvious to Amelia that something was going on with Alison. She seemed more distant than usual. _'' I guess I can't help with the patient, but... Can I help you? Is everything okay? You seem, kind of, off.''_

Ali felt like she was busted, but she wasn't ready to talk about missing her family and her confusion on how to deal with their situation. It was scary for her knowing that more people knew who she was. That alarm in her head that always warned her when to run was gonig off for quite some time. She was resisting. But it was harder every day.  
The biggest problem was that one part of her was still afraid of completely trusting Amelia. And at the same time, the other part of her wanted to call Amelia 'mom' every chance she got and beg her not to leave and to love her and to take care of her. It sounded so silly in her mind and her pride woudn't let her say it out loud, but those were her feelings. Childish maybe. But sincere.

 _''Ali, honey, say something. What's going on in that brain of yours?''_ – Amelia came closer and said softly.

 _'' Nothing. Nothing...''_ – Alison tried really hard to believe what she was saying, but disstress was written all over her _– '' I'm just having a rough day. And I need to find Dr. Robbins, ASAP. I guess I'll see you later.''_

 _''Hey! Stop with that right now! I won't let you push me away.''_ – Amelia replied slightly annoyed with her daughter _– '' You're coming home with me tonight.''_

 _''What? I can't...''_ – Alison started to complain, but was cut off.

 _''Yes, yes you can and you will. Derek and Meredith are on call, so there goes your excuse.''_

 _''But...''_ – Ali was lost for words and she was a bit shocked with Amelia taking over and being in charge.

 _''Please, don't argue. It will lead us nowhere. Just give me the chance to be there for you. That's all I'm asking.''_ – Amelia stated matter-of-factly, hoping that she was convincing enough. She actually felt like a real bossy mother in that moment. But she wouldn't back down. So to help her cause she offered a stern look to her daughter to show that she wasn't kidding.

 _''O-okay... Is this...Are you...''_ – Ali stumbled upon words _– ''Are you being a mother right now?''_

The question got Amelia unprepared, but if she was going to be this girl's mother she had to start acting like one and fast, before it was too late. So she looked Ali straight in the eyes and without hesitation said _– ''Yes I am.''_

Alison asked the question, but definately didn't expect the answer she got. It surprised her and cought her off guard, but that warm feeling started creeping in, making her relax a little. In those moments in which Amelia stood her ground and demanded attention, Alison for the first time felt like she was actually mothered. It was strange. She had never experienced it before. But it was nice. It was nice feeling cared for.

Seeing that Alison was still lost for words and deep in her thoughts Amelia broke the silence more softly, but stern enough _– ''When are you off? I'll probably be done around 7pm if I don't get pulled in an emergency.''_

Ali had a hard time keeping her eyes on Amelia. She finally knew how ordinary teenagers felt when they were in trouble.  
 _''Umm...My shift ends at 8pm.''_ – she responded insecurely and looking everywhere around the room, except for Amelia's eyes.

 _''I'll wait for you here then. Okay?''_ – Amelia smiled a little, trying to break the tension. She felt uncomfortable, but knew that that's what needed to be done. For more than two months she's been saying to Ali that she was there for her, but it felt like a huge wall was still between them. So, instead of repeating the same words over and over again, Amelia decided that it was time to act. People didn't say in vain that actions speak louder than words.

 _''Yeah... Okay...I...''_ – Alison made herself look up at Amelia – _''I need to go now. Really need to find Dr. Robbins.''_

Amelia nodded, afraid she might've pushed too much. But..., there was no going back.  
 _''Try OR 2. I think she mentioned it earlier.''_

 _''Thanks''_ – Ali mouthed and rushed to get out of the room.

For some reason her 'running alarm' was insanely loud in her head. It was nice to feel Amelia caring enough to make her listen, but it was kind of scary, too. Was Alison ready for what was coming her way? She didn't know and she was truly terrified of her own reaction. Her guard was still on high alert and the great big wall still stood tall.

Some time later Amelia paged Hunt and Torres to come find her.  
 _''Shepherd, you were looking for us...''_ – Owen stated after coming in and seeing Amelia buried in scans and papers.

 _''Yes.''_ – she moved the scans behind the papers and stood – _''Umm... The patient's awake.''_

 _''Oh thank God.''_ – Callie sighed in relief _\- ''That's great.''_

 _''Wait.''_ – Amelia interrupted before Callie could get her hopes up too much and continued sadly _– ''He is awake, but unresponsive. There's no new or reccuring haemorage, but it's too soon to know how much function he'll regain or if there will be deficits. I'm sorry.''_

Callie and Owen both frowned blaming themselves for letting something like that happen in front of their eyes.  
 _''Does he have people? Beside his friend?''_ – Owen asked.

 _''His parents are in Florida. They're on their way.'' –_ Amelia informed in comforting tone, seeing how close to home it hit Owen.

At that point Callie couldn't bear the burden of responsibility she felt. She was so happy her robotic leg worked and she pushed the boy too hard. Noone could tell her she wasn't the one to blame.  
 _''Hunt, can I talk to you outside?''_

Owen got to the door and just before leaving he turned around.  
 _''You have people, right?''_ – he asked Amelia.

 _''What do you mean?''_

 _''I just mean...It's hard to deal with all this stuff on your own, but you have Derek and Meredith, so...''_ – Owen even confused himself. He didn't actually think it through before the question popped out of his mouth.

 _''Yeah. And meetings. I'm pushing through. That's what we do.'' –_ Amelia responded with a smile. She thought to herself that maybe Owen could be her friend. She didn't really have friends in Seattle, just colleagues at work. It would be great to have a friend who would understand. Really understand.

 _''Right.''_ – Owen returns the smile and starts to turn around to leave, but Amelia calls after him.

 _''Do you...have people?_

 _''I'm...that's...''_ – Owen stuttered a bit. Nobody has ever asked him that. He was just surprised that someone, who he didn't even know very well, except for work, cared enough to ask. _''I'm fine.''_ – he finally said.

 _''I know. But you're right there, living in that little tin box on my brother's back lawn. I keep saying I'm going to move out, but I'm still at the house watching them glare at each other, so...Let me know... If you need people. I'm around.''_ – Amelia rambled and shyly grinned at him.

 _''Thanks.''_ – Owen was even more surprised with her honesty and open friendship invitation. It was rare to find someone who would lend a hand and say that they're around. 'We could really be great friends' Owen thought to himself. _''And thanks for the update.''_

Alison and Edwards eventually managed to find Arizona. The news weren't good at all. Arizona only confirmed their suspicions, but didn't want to say anything before consulting with Dr. Herman. If anyone in the world was able to help it would be her. So the three of them went on to find her. They cought her in the hallway.

 _''Dr. Herman, we need to show you an ultrasound.''_ – Arizona started hopefully.

 _''Robbins, fetal surgeon who can't read an ultrasound is like a chef who can't boil water.''_ – Herman said with more then few hints of sarcasm in her voice.

 _''Just tell me what I'm looking at.''_ – Arizona sighed.

 _''You tell me.''_ – Herman raised her brow.

 _''I'm asking you.''_ – Arizona continued stubbornly.

 _''Well, I want you to tell me.''_ – Herman wasn't the one to back down.

Alison and Edwards just looked from right to left and left to right, like there were watching a tennis match. And Alison wasn't known for her patience, especially when she had the worst day ever. So without even thinking that she would be interfering in the argument of her superiors, she interrupted.

 _''We're concerned that it's osteogenesis imperfecta.''_

Edwards felt the urge to punch Alison in the face for interrupting when it wasn't her place to talk at all. Arizona was just frustrated with Herman and plainly shocked with Alison to even react. And if she could Herman would raise her brow even more.

After seeing their reaction Alison felt sick and wanted to punch herself for being stupid. But Herman took a breath and spoke to Alison _– ''Define it please.''_

Before anyone could say anything else, she began with the definition, as easily as she would be if she was reading it from a book _– ''A congenital birth defect in which the child has fragile bones, that are easily broken and for no reason. With the more fatal cases sometimes we can see the fractions in-utero. But...''_ – Alison paused, not wanting to be right about this case _– ''It's so rare.''_

Herman nodded to Alison and turned to Arizona - _''Robbins, what makes you suspect it?''_

 _''Size and mineralization of the head, no movement in the fetus, short femures that haven't grown.'' –_ Arizona answered.

 _''Prognosis?''_

 _''That's what I'm asking you.''_ – Arizona frowned.

 _''It's very sad''_ – Herman began – _''If it is, indeed, type 2 and the infant survives birth, they don't usually live more than a couple of days or weeks.''_

Alison felt a lump forming in her throat. She didn't want to be right this time. It made her sad that such a good person like April Kepner will have to go through something as terrible as that. It sooo wasn't deserved. Alison didn't know her that well, but she respected her as a doctor, teacher and a person. She was kind to everyone and always ready to help, even to clumsy interns. And she believed in God. For some reason that part was the worst to Ali. She couldn't understand why would God do something like that to such a good person.

It was just after 8pm, Alison was changing clothes when she got a message from Amelia.  
 _Waiting for you_

With everything that happened with April's baby she almost forgot that Amelia was waiting for her. The lump was still in her throat and tears were still threating. Alison had a hard day. She was tired and hungry and just wanted to hide in her bed, cry it out and sleep. It was her way of processing and she always did it alone. But as she was approaching Amelia, who was waiting for her on the bench, she knew that she didn't want to be alone this time.

Ali wasn't even that close, but Amelia could see the tears in her eyes. She immediately walked towards her and hugged her tightly, trying to show Alison that she really was there for her.

As soon as her head touched Amelia's shoulder, Alison couldn't stop the tears from falling.  
 _''Baby, what's happening?''_ – Amelia moved a little to look at her.

Once the tears started it was impossible for Alison to stop them. But when she saw Amelia's worried face, she barely managed to speak between the sobbs.

 _''Mom, I had the worst day...''_

 **A/N: From my perspective this chapter is a huge turning point in the story : Ali finally calling Amelia 'Mom', Owen coming into the picture, Amelia making a plan for Herman's tumor...So many storylines to explore.**

 **What storyline do you think I should explore the most? Are you liking the story this far?  
I would love to hear your opinion.**

 **Thank you for reading! :)**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

 **A/N: Hello dear readers, I hope you're still around and didn't give up on me and this story. I am very sorry for being away for so long. Life was kicking my butt these last 3 months and I'm trying my best to write again. If you decide to stick with me I'll be eternaly grateful!**

 _''Mom, I had the worst day...''_ – sobbs interrupted her and she was in such disstress that she didn't even realize what she said.

 _''Why this world has to be so awful? Why good people end up in the worst situations, ones they never deserved? I don't understand! And I'm so tired of fighting with myself and this freaking hospital is making me exhausted, depressed and I'm hungry all the time. Like..., all the time! But I don't even notice it anymore. Sleep and food are not on my menu apparently. And I'm rambling and whining like a 5-year-old. Telling you all this stuff, like you already don't know it yourself. I'm going to stop myself now. I'm sorry.''_

Amelia was shocked after Ali's first word and hardly heard anything of what came after it. Alison was just rambling without even stopping to take a breath and it seemed like she really didn't realize what slipped from her mouth.

 _''Hey...HEY!''_ – Amelia had to shake Ali and again use her stern motherly voice she just today found out she had. _''Let's go home now. You can take a long shower while I'm making something for dinner. We'll eat and when you're a bit calmer we can talk. Now just breathe. It's going to be okay.''_

Even though, Amelia usually didn't know how to filter her thoughts in that kind of moments, this time she stopped herself in time and didn't blurt the first thing that was on her mind. It was the very first time Alison called her 'Mom' and it made her heart swell with love. But at the same time, she was worried for her daughter. So much distress didn't come by in just one day. It was definitely piling up for some time and Alison kept it all inside.

And noone knew, how much damage piling up heavy emotions could make, better than Amelia. She was the queen of keeping it all to herself and then exploding in the worst possible way. But this time, she was a grown up in the situation, even more, she was a parent. That came with some reponsibilities too, no matter how old the child was. Eight, eighteen or twenty eight. And she wanted to kick herself for not noticing the signs before.

 _''But...but...I don't have a home here. Just a room where I sleep when I grab the chance to do so. I miss having a home.''_ – Alison kept rambling without realizing what she was saying.

She felt like something ate half of her brain. Truths were tumbling out of her mouth and she found that she wasn't able to control it. Everything that happened that day hit her hard. And what scared her the most was that she couldn't figure out why. For some reason the feeling of utter weakness and uselessness was swallowing her.

Amelia, after hearing what Ali said, felt a lump forming in her throat, but she decided she would keep it togehter and so she did.

20 minutes later they were entering the Dream house.  
Alison was silent and just looking around. It felt so homey. Everything didn't look as neat as she would imagine a doctor's home would, but all the toys, pillows and blankets that were everywhere around made it look so warm and friendly. In the kitchen was the biggest mess with all their schedules hanging on the fridge, surrounded with a lot of sticky notes and artwork from the kids, bottles, cereals, baby food.  
It definetely was a home, but it didn't feel like it was hers. She felt like a stranger or maybe a guest in this beautiful huge house, which was a home to the people who were supposedly her family.

Right then Ali missed her adopted family even more. She didn't feel like she could fit in this home like she wanted to. There was nothing in the world she craved more than having her mother and family to love and protect her always. And it felt like she was on a good path with Amelia and her uncle and cousins, but now when she actually was in the Shepherd home Alison felt detached.

There wasn't anything familiar there. Everything was different and quiet, and all that made her feel lost. Once again fighting and wanting to belong, but still couldn't quit reach the feeling.

Amelia noticed the way sadness darkend her daughter's usually bright blue eyes, while she was looking around. She could understand what was going on in Ali's head, That feeling like she was out of place followed her since she was sixteen, but with time she learned how to deal with it. Watching her daughter struggle with the same burden was a completely different story. It made her heart ache. But she was decisive to make Ali feel her love and comfort, and maybe, just maybe, in time this would become their home.

 _''Come on, let me show you my room.''_ – Amelia said breaking Alison's thoughts and leading the way – _''It's right here down the hall. I have my own bathroom, too. You can take a shower if you want to. I'll leave you something to wear on the bed.''_

It felt to Amelia like she was talking to herself, but she keept talking nevertheless _– ''The towels are on the bottom shelf.''_ – she showed and sighed when Alison didn't react.

 _''Listen to me, please! You're very tired. And you had a terrible day. Your emotions are in a conflict and you feel lost.''_ – she waited to have Ali's full attention and then continued _– ''I understand and I can help you. Please Alison! Let me help you.''_

 _''I'm not used to having help.''_ – Ali finally said and looked in Amelia's pleading eyes. _''At least not this kind of help.''_ – she added quietly.

 _''Let me try.''_

 _''And what if I get used to your help and having you around, and then something happens and you leave me again?''_ – Alison asked, vulnerability written all over her face.

Amelia hugged tightly Ali's shaking frame and whispered softly – _''Good dreams are here to stay, sweety. Got me?''_

Ali managed to smile a little while nodding.

Amelia was relieved and said _– ''Good. Remember that or I'll remind you every day if necessary.''_ – she kissed Ali's cheek, turned her towards the bathroom and mock glowered _– ''No more stalling, girl. Hot shower for you now.''_

 _''Okaaay, Mom. Hot shower it is. ''_ – Ali's eyes brightened again.

Then she ran to the bathroom before Amelia had the time to react. Because it was the first time Ali consciously called her 'Mom'. It wasn't her just rambling or being upset. She said it on purpose this time and for that reason it meant even more to Amelia.

While showering Alison thought about her feelings and the little talks they had throughout the day. It was amazing and quite scary how much impact words could have. She felt low since opening her eyes that morning and thinking how only one sentence changed that and turned everything around.

 _'' Good dreams are here to stay!''_ – she repeated over and over again, feeling better everytime she said it.

While Alison was showering Amelia had to complete a very hard task, for her even harder than brain surgery. She had to make dinner.  
There was no doubt Amelia knew how to have fun. And being a kickass neurosurgeon wasn't that hard too, in her book. But cooking. That was a skill set she never managed to learn, or so she thought. The reason could be lack of trying, of course, but Amelia was quite sure that cooking was one thing she would never be able to master.

It was all great. Standing your ground, worrying and then acting all stern, but apart from all that there was something that popped right up in her mind while she tried to recall how her mother was with her sibilings and her. There was always a delicious meal waiting for them at the end of the day and no matter if they had a good or a bad day, they would all eat together and talk about everything. It was her favourite part of the day when she was little, because her sisters and brother were there and had to pay attention to her.

At that particular moment Amelia felt so inadequate. But there was no way that she way great at surgery and wasn't able to make something at least eatable.  
So 15 minutes later macaroni and cheese were on the table and Amelia hoped she didn't mess it up, even though she was pretty sure she coudn't have messed it up even if she tried to.

After taking a long hot shower Alison felt much more relaxed. But dressing sweatpants and a 'Harvard' T-shirt Amelia left for her on the bed made her feel so comfortable that she wouldn't have any trouble falling asleep right then and there. Except for one thing. She was hungry and hoped that Amelia made them something good to eat.

 _''Hey there, little one. Feel better?''_ – Amelia asked when she saw Ali coming.

 _''Much better, thanks. I'm so glad we wear the same size. These sweatpants are heavenly comfortable.''_ – Ali accompanied her statement with a grin.

Amelia laughed _– ''Maybe I'll let you steal them.''_

Ali's grin spread even wider when she caught Amelia winking.  
 _''Oh, dinner's already on the table.''_ – she exclaimed happily.

 _''Well yes, but don't expect much. It's only macaroni and cheese.''_ – Amelia frowned – _'' Add cooking on the list of the things I suck at.''_

 _''I love macaroni and cheese.''_ – Ali tried to console _– ''And I can show you how to cook few dishes if you'd like. Nana tought us how years ago and we even played 'Masterchef' sometimes.''_

 _''This is kind of embarrassing. I should be a grown up here and yet you are offering to teach me how to cook. Ahh my mother would be so proud.''_ – Amelia couldn't help herself and her sarcasm sometimes.

 _''Trust me, I'm not an expert either. I know a few things I can show you. And then we could maybe learn more together. Cooking can be fun, you know. You just have to give it a chance.''_ – Ali tried to lighten up Amelia's mood.

 _''If you say so, Masterchef Alison.''_ – Amelia teased – _''Come, let's eat.''_

After the dinner they settled on the couch in front of the TV and were trying to find something to watch. Amelia figured there was no better moment to ask Alison about her day and what was it that made her so upset.  
Ali seemed relaxed for the first time that day and even if she refused to admit it to herself, she was enjoying having Amelia there by her side. It was surprisingly soothing for some reason and she wanted to keep that feeling for as long as possible. Her whole day was a mess and she wanted it to at least end on a good note. Not in tears or in deep thoughts about her life.

 _''Do you want to talk about your day now?''_ – Amelia finally asked.

Alison was a bit apprehensive to answer at first, but she decided it would be too bad to destroy the mood with heavy talk like that. So she said – _''Would you mind if we talked about it tomorrow?''_

 _''You won't run away?''_ – Amelia inquired insecurely.

 _''I won't.''_

 _''Okay.''_

 _''Okay.''_

Then Alison relaxed once again and in no time fell asleep, repeating in her head _– Good dreams are here to stay! Good dreams are here to stay! Good dreams are here to stay!_

 **A/N: I'll try to post a new chapter every week from now on. Again, thank you for reading. As you already know, reviews are very welcome. :)**


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

 **A/N: Hi, dear readers! I'm still aliveeee :) After a long break here's one chapter full of Alison and Uncle Derek bonding. Hope you enjoy.**

After a rough shift and three back-to-back surgeries, Derek finally came home. _'Home'_ he thought to himself _'Why do I feel so bitter about that word? Well, it's probably not about the word. All these fights with Meredith are exhausting. I don't know what to do anymore.'_ Derek sighed heavily.

He was so much in his head that he almost didn't notice someone sleeping on the living room couch. Derek stopped for a second trying to remember if Meredith mentioned changing shifts, but he was pretty sure he wasn't missing anything.  
When he came closer he saw his little sister sleeping peacefully and to his surprise Alison was on the other side of the couch snuggling the blanket and looking like a true eighteen year old.

Standing there watching them reminded him of when Amelia and he were kids. They waited some nights for everyone (especially their mother) to fall asleep and then they would sneak to the living room and watch scary movies. But almost every time they fell asleep on the couch and their mother would find them in the morning holding each other.

He wanted her to always stay that little, so he could protect her from the scary monsters under the bed or from a movie they watched. But now, Amelia was sleeping on the couch with her daughter and she didn't need him to protect her anymore. Now she was the one who protected. After everything she went through and everything he did to her, his Amy was still there, and he realized that the word 'home' didn't bother him as much as it did just a minute ago.

The sound of his steps woke Alison.

 _''Good morning. I`m sorry I woke you up. It's very early. Go back to sleep if you can.''_ – Derek whispered feeling guilty.

 _''Good morning. I'm sorry for sleeping on your couch.''_ – Alison said with shame _– ''I'll be out of your hair in a minute.''_ – she finished and literally jumped up.

Alison felt so uncomfortable and didn't know what to say or how to act. She wished Amelia woke up first. And thinking back, Amelia told her both Derek and Meredith would be working and out of the house. It was just her luck for one of them to come home earlier and find her there. For some reason she didn't want to be seen. In a way she still wanted to keep the distance between them.

A good night of sleep brought her back the energy she needed, but didn't give her peace of mind. Her thoughts were still a mess from the day before. It all started coming back to her, the way she broke down and how Amelia handled it like she imagined a parent would, and most importantly she finally said it – she called Amelia 'Mom'. In the moment it felt so very right to say it and by saying it Alison was acknowledging her feelings. But it scared her. It scared her very much.

After a moment of silence, Derek replied her with a smirk – _''Only place you'll be going to right now is to the kitchen, because I'm making us some breakfast.''_

Alison, unsure of what to do, didn't move. So Derek took her hand and pulled her towards the kitchen. _''Come along. I can't be a worse cook than Amy. I'm positive about that fact.''_ \- he winked mischievously.

Alison chuckled while shaking her head. _''Were you two always like that?''_

 _''Like what?''_ – Derek turned his head away from the fridge.

 _''Always trying to better one another, bickering constantly?''_

 _''We do love to annoy each other. That's true.''_ – Derek laughed quietly _– ''And we are both neurosurgeons and very competitive. Then add to the mix big brother – little sister relationship and there you go, you get Amy and me.''_

 _''You're the only one who calls her Amy. How come?''_ – Alison wondered.

 _''Your grandfather gave her that nickname when she was a baby. So it means a lot to her, even though she'll make everyone think otherwise and say she doesn't like it. I think I'm the only one allowed to call her Amy. Except maybe Addison. And Zola and Bailey now. It's a privilege.''_ – Derek looked pensive while talking. He would never admit it, but Amelia's nickname meant a great deal to him, too. And just like her, he felt very protective of it.

 _''Oh... I didn't know that.''_ – Alison paused and took a deep breath _– ''I'm sorry for what happened to your dad.''_

 _''It changed us all, especially Amy.''_ – he said sadly, sighed and then cheered up in a second – _''But life goes on and here we are today. I'm eating breakfast with my niece. And not just any niece.''_

 _''You're a charmer.''_ – Ali smirked and took the toast and tea Derek was handing her.

Without noticing they both chose the same jam and ate in such a similar way that it was obvious from a mile away they were related.  
After few minutes spent in silence eating, Derek decided to ask the question which was bugging him since he met Alison. It probably wasn't his place to ask and Amelia definitely wouldn't like it, but he couldn't help himself.

 _''So, where are you staying in Seattle?''_

Surprised by the unexpected question, Alison stuttered for a moment before answering – _''In a hotel close to the hospital. A block away, actually. I didn't know how everything would work out. I still don't... My home is in New York, anyway. This was supposed to be only temporary.''_ Alison shrugged, trying to hide her emotions.

Derek looked away, wanting to understand how hard everything what she was going through truly was _. ''You didn't think about having another home here with Amy? She really wants to be your mother, you realize that?''_

Alison dejectedly glanced at Derek and took another bite of her toast _. ''It's not that simple.''_ \- she paused to swallow, then continued sarcastically – _''And she did give birth to me, so logic dictates she is my mother. My living arrangement doesn't change that.''_

Right then Derek understood what Amelia meant when she said Alison wasn't ready and that she needed time, but he wasn't good at standing at the sidelines watching his family suffer. Not if he could do something about it. So he decided to push.

 _''Hey, nobody knows her better than I do. And I'm telling you... She's here to stay.''_

Alison sighed defeated. In that moment she understood much better Amelia's frustrations with Derek. _''This is not only about her. I'm a runner too.''_

 _''Well then, welcome to the club and welcome to the family.''_ – he smiled, then sobered up and continued seriously _– ''Look... I get it. And it's okay. You're still holding your distance. But I can see you love her very much. And I think you're slowly realizing that as much as it was hard for you all these years, it was hard for her too. I made a mistake once by telling her she's fragile, and she made it very clear that she's not. Amy is strong and brave. Don't tell her I said this, but I admire her strength.  
Anyway... What I wanted to say is...  
It's okay to be proud of her, to love her and to call her 'mom', despite the mistakes she made. We all make them. But calling her 'mom' won't only make Amy your mother, it will make you her daughter too. It works both ways, you see. And if you want to have another home I think it would be great if you moved in with us. It's a big house and it's family. Think about it.''_

Alison kept staring for what seemed like half an hour. Everything Derek said made sense. She knew it in her heart. Her love for Amelia was growing every day and she was slowly learning to understand and accept what happened in the past. If she had to admit it to herself, Alison wasn't so sure anymore if Amelia made a mistake by giving her away or not. Everything was so confusing and more complicated than ever before. And on top of all that, Derek talking about home made her wonder if it was possible for her to have a home in this world. She was so far away from her Jean family and that made her feel somewhat disconnected. And these last months have changed her. So, could she ever go back to how it used to be? Probably not, she thought. But where that left her then? Not there, but not here either.

 _''I... I don't know what to say. It's hard to trust! Even harder to let go.''_ – she paused – _''I don't really know what to think or what she would think.''_ That was the most sincere answer she could give. To herself or to Derek.

Derek was silent for some time. Giving Alison time to process, but to himself, too. That conversation wasn't meant to become so heavy with emotions. At least it wasn't how he imagined it would go. Alison seemed so strong, but just like Amelia she carried a lot in her mind and heart.

He glanced in the living room and saw Amelia moving and waking up, so he put a huge grin on his face and tried to lighten the mood. _''Why don't we ask her?''_ – Derek said a bit louder so Amelia could hear him.

Alison heard Amelia moving in the living room and hissed to Derek _– ''Don't you dare say a thing!''_

 _''Ask me what?''_ – Amelia almost yelled from the living room.

 _''I'm warning you!'' ''So you want to surprise her?''_ – Alison and Derek said at the same time in hushed voices. Alison grimaced.

 _''You're impossible, you know that?!''_

Derek smirked, enjoying the moment. _''Impossible to say 'no' to. I know.''_

Just then Amelia walked into the kitchen and Alison lost the chance to wipe that smug look off of Derek's face with her well thought retort.  
 _''Hey, what are you two whispering about? Interested to share?_ – Amelia raised her eyebrow in question.

 _''Ha! Uncle Derek is trying to be funny and it's not working.''_ – Alison answered half annoyed, half entertained.

 _''Uncle Derek? Well, not all Shepherds are gifted with humor and sarcasm. Only the special ones, like you and me, for example.''_ – Amelia looked at Derek with her cheeky dimpled smile.

 _''You wouldn't say that if you knew what we were plotting. Wouldn't she, Ali?''_ – Derek teased shamelessly.

 _''You plotting, Derek? That must be something against me for sure. And so early in the morning. You must be inspired.''_ – Amelia grumbled.

 _''On the contrary, my dearest little sister.''_ – Derek walked around the kitchen counter and side-hugged his sister _– ''It's going to be a surprise. Isn't it, Alison?''_

Alison sighed and shook her head. Then she kissed Amelia on the cheek and started towards the door _. ''I have to go. Need to shower and change. Then head to the hospital. I'll see you and talk to you later.''_ When she got to the door she turned around and looked at Derek _– ''And Uncle Derek...thanks for what you said before. I'll think about everything.''_ With that, she turned on her heel and left, leaving Amelia confused and Derek genuinely surprised.

Later that day, Amelia found herself walking around the hospital trying to find an empty room, so she could discreetly examine Dr. Herman's scans. She asked around and soon made herself comfortable in her new case room, as she called it in her mind. It was out of the way and she never saw anyone going there. Perfect for keeping something confidential. And perfect for hiding, too.

Derek and Meredith were at each others throat whole day long, so it was beneficial to stay out of the way. Amelia loved her brother dearly and she knew he wanted to accept the job and go to D.C.. She wasn't so sure anymore that his decision to stay was good for anyone. He couldn't live with his choice so he tortured everyone around him.

That was the exact reason Amelia decided not to show him Dr. Herman's scans. He would take the case away from her and she knew deep down that this was her chance. This tumor was her chance to prove to herself and to everyone else that she isn't only 'The Other Shepherd' and good enough replacement for the real deal, but that she is great at what she does and that she is the real deal.

Astonishment was obvious on Amelia's face while she was going through the scans. She didn't even notice Arizona walking in the room, before she said _– ''Hey.''_

Amelia glanced at Arizona, still too excited to notice Arizona looking around in alarm.  
 _''There you are. Listen.''_

 _''I got your page. Why are you down here?''_ – Arizona paused, and after figuring out at whose scans she was looking she started freaking out – _''What are you doing?''_

 _''You told me to be discreet, so I set up in here. Nobody comes down here.''_ – Amelia still didn't realize where the problem was.

 _''No! No... Take them down!''_ – Arizona yelled and started taking down the scans by herself.

 _''Why?''_ – Amelia was thoroughly confused now.

 _''Give it back. Just give it all back. If she finds me with these she will kill me. Just...forget that I ever told you!''_

 _''I thought you said that everybody who needed to know knew.''_ – the question was obvious in her statement.

 _''Yeah. And that's her. And that's me. And she doesn't know that I know all of this. Okay? She cannot find out that I stole these.''_ – Arizona was beyond freaking out in that moment.

 _''Arizona...''_ – Amelia tried to interrupt, but Arizona just kept going without even taking a breath.

 _''I thought that she was dangerous and reckless and it turns out that she's just...just dying. And she's alone, and she's smart, and she's funny and horny...''_

 _''Arizona, listen...''_ – Amelia tried again, but to no avail.

 _''And she deserves to die however she wants to. And I know what to look for now. And I can watch her. And she deserves to die with whatever dignity she can possibly...''_

Amelia finally had enough of Arizona's rambling and she yelled – _''Arizona, shut up and listen to me!''_ Arizona stopped _. ''I think I can remove this tumor. I think I can save her life!''_

 **A/N: Thank you for reading!**


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